My last first day of school!

Yesterday was (hopefully) my last first day of school!

I'm taking two classes this semester and I will graduate with my MBA in December. I've been slow-playing my MBA so it will have taken me three and a half years by the time I'm done. I am so ready to be done with classes. I was ready to be done with classes when I finished my undergrad, but I knew I would eventually get my MBA. Now that I'm almost done with it I'm very much looking forward to having no more classes.

I always told people that your undergraduate major isn't that important because an undergraduate degree really just means that you know how to think (with some more technical exceptions like nursing). A graduate degree really teaches you more in depth about your subject matter.

With my MBA I feel that that is only partially true. I certainly do know more about business and various aspects therein (accounting, finance, management, economics, etc.), but the end result of my MBA doesn't seem to be a lot of technical knowledge.

I feel that my undergrad taught me how to think, but my MBA has taught me how to analyze.

What I mean by that is that in my Bachelor of Science in Business Administration degree I learned the various aspects of a business that must be considered and how to go about making decisions based on those areas. In my MBA I have learned what parameters to use when analyzing aspects of a business and how to integrate those parameters into decision making.

The class I just had last night is Business Policy, which is a capstone class in the program. The subject matter is how analysis leads into decision making which is implemented through policies. In a word, strategy. I am generally interested in strategy (as evidenced by my fascination with board games), and I definitely do find this class interesting. I view this class as taking the various parts of running a business that I have learned in other classes and putting it into a comprehensive whole.

One of the things I'm very thankful for in the class is that I will not be writing a paper. I will be doing a presentation to the class, so that will be a decent amount of work, but I really dislike writing papers. The presentation will be better because the topic will be assigned and most of the information will be given to me, I just have to analyze it and present it in an organized way. This is so much better for me because I am not an ideas person. I am the kind of person who will take someone else's idea and implement it.

We'll see in my other class (which starts on Monday) whether I'll have a paper to write at all. I may very well be done with papers for life! Unless of course I start another masters, which I'm certainly not ruling out. At the moment though I am very much looking forward to being done with my MBA. I feel like I really will have accomplished something.

The soulmate myth

There is a notion in our society that there exists a soulmate for each one of us, one special person who is amazingly compatible with us. We wander throughout life searching and searching, and eventually if we're lucky we find our soulmate and we fall madly in love and live happily ever after.

This idea damages people, relationships, and marriages.

You do NOT have one person out there who you are searching for and who is searching for you. There is no Prince Charming, there is no Perfect Woman for you. This is not a cause for despair, this is a cause for rejoicing!

People spend their lives searching for "the one". They obsess over finding this one person, to the point where they evaluate all of the potential "soulmates" that they meet. In these evaluations one of two things happen: either they dismiss someone who has something "wrong" with them or they emotionally invest in someone they just met.

In the case where someone is dismissed due to there being something "wrong" with them, the person evaluating often overlooks someone who may be very compatible with them. People who subscribe to the soulmate myth generally have a laundry list of qualities that their soulmate will have, including physical attributes, personality attributes, emotional health attributes, spiritual attributes, and mental health attributes. When a person has qualities that don't correspond with the list, they are written off as a potential spouse. This means that the only people who are considered to be potential spouses are those who fit some sort of ideal, often those who we are more comfortable or familiar with.

The truth of the matter is, nobody measures up to the ideals that are on these preconceived lists. People who are only interested in finding the ideal spouse will never find them, because they don't exist. We are fallen beings. There will always be something not ideal with every person we encounter, even the person we wind up marrying. Additionally, oftentimes our knowledge of ourselves is very limited. You may not know what sort of person you need to continue your development as a person. By deciding ahead of time who it is you are looking for you are limiting your ability to grow (this is not to say that you shouldn't have some idea of what you are looking for, but taking it to an extreme is detrimental).

When a person does find someone who fits their vision of an "ideal" soulmate, they tend to emotionally invest immediately. This leads to all sorts of emotional difficulties and heartbreak when the relationship does not work out. We live in a culture where people are yearning for love, yearning for real connection. When we meet someone who fits our notion of the ideal, we tend to give our hearts over to that person while bypassing the natural process of getting to know someone. Then, when the relationship almost inevitably comes crashing down we suffer the consequences in the form of emotional damage and heartbreak.

I mentioned above that the soulmate myth also damages marriages. The reason this happens is that we fool ourselves into thinking that our spouse is our soulmate, that they are the perfect person for us. How could our perfect soulmate ever cause us pain, ever disappoint us? Again, there are no perfect people. Your spouse will not be perfect either! They will disappoint you, they will wind up hurting you in some way. That is okay. Part of marriage is the forgiveness process. For marriage to last you have to understand that the two of you will both grow over the course of the marriage.


Now for the good news: you do not have a soulmate! Therefore, you do not have only one person that it is possible for you to have a happy marriage with. There are a number of people that you could wind up with. You don't have to find one specific person out of the millions available. What you do have to do is find someone that you are compatible with and then learn to grow with that person. The dating process should be a time in which you come to know (in part) who another person is and whether your relationship should continue on to marriage. There is a great freedom in understanding that the person you marry will not be perfect.

In the end, this notion of a soulmate leads to a lot of heartache. It is a flawed understanding of human relationships. This sort of flaw in your understanding will lead to broken relationships and possibly broken marriages. Rejoice in the fact that you can find someone who will cause you to grow. It will probably wind up being someone who you never would have considered as fulfilling your list of a perfect soulmate, but they will wind up being an amazingly wonderful match for you.

On new beginnings

Tomorrow is the first day of class for the University I work at. I've come to appreciate working at a place where there is naturally a new start, a time which signals a new beginning. Every year I'm fairly busy from August until May, then I have some time to reflect upon the previous school year in June and July. This past June and July I came to the conclusion that I was not happy with my performance the previous year.

Last year I was moved to a new residential area on campus. I had the same position (Residence Director) as the previous two years but I was put in charge of a neighborhood of apartments instead of a residence hall. The neighborhood posed different challenges than the hall. In a lot of ways it was easier, but in a lot of ways it was more difficult. As well, I was in my first year of marriage (w00t) and I overloaded myself in the second semester with a second job and two classes. The long and the short of it is, I did not do my job well enough to be satisfied.

That being said, I think I did a decent job. I was able to help several people in ways that clearly assisted them in getting to a better place in their life. I did very well in a couple of my performance management goals for the year. My boss was reasonably happy with my work.

All well and good, but I'm not shooting for a "decent" job. I don't want my boss to be "reasonably happy" with my work. I want to strive for excellence. I want to be the best RD I can be. This job is not just a job for me. I have seen my words and actions impact people's lives, both for the better and for the worse. I have had opportunity to learn to love those who would rather (metaphorically) spit in my face. I am called each day to focus on the good of people who are not me. I have been blessed with the grace to handle emergency situations such that no one died when it was a very real possibility.

That's why I'm glad this is a new school year. I have had jobs that basically just continue on and on without a real point of new beginning, a chance to restart. In this position I am blessed to be able to say that this school year WILL be better than the last.


I asked my RA staff to share with each other some goals they had for this semester. I asked for a goal in each of five different categories: academic, spiritual, professional, personal growth, and grab bag. Here are mine:

Academic - get two As, one in each of my last two classes for my MBA.
Spiritual - come to a better understanding of suffering in my life and in my marriage.
Professional - I have six or seven performance management goals that I shared, not that exciting really.
Personal growth - blog on a regular basis.
Grab bag - read three books I have never read before.

One way to have a conscious new beginning is to set some goals for yourself. This is one way I plan on ensuring I keep myself and my RAs focused on growing, not just spinning our wheels.

What are you doing in your life? Are you growing? Or just maintaining?

Music at "Youth" masses

I like to sleep in on Sundays, so we sometimes go to a local parish that has a 5 PM mass. The 5 PM mass generally has no music (except some acapella mass parts), but today there was a "choir". The "choir" consisted of about 8 highschool girls, one middle-aged woman (most likely the leader) and a highschool boy playing the keyboard. They did an entrance "hymn" (Shine Jesus, Shine) and a recessional "hymn" (Lord I Lift Your Name on High) and that was about it. No mass parts, no alleluia, no gloria. The music was, quite frankly, not good. The guy knew how to play keyboard; but the accompaniment was pretty lackluster, the vocals were lackluster, and the congregational participation was lackluster. You can tell how I would describe it as a whole.

As we were leaving the Church I saw a poster for the church's "Youth Mass", which happened to be the mass I was just at. This set me to thinking about the choice of music for the mass. Clearly, some people in authority think that having Church songs (I can't really bring myself to call them hymns) from the '80s that have somewhat catchy pop-like melodies (and ridiculous hand motions) brings youth to mass. In a way they're right. The LifeTeen movement has had a decent amount of success bringing young people to the Church using catchy pop-like songs. There are three problems here though that pastors and youth ministers don't seem to understand:

1) It's very difficult to do this music "well". I have been to many parishes that have music like this regularly and there have been probably only 2 or 3 where the music actually sounds good. It takes a lot of practice and a dedicated group of actual musicians to play this music well. You can't just grab the guy in youth group who has had 4 years of piano lessons, grab a few of the girls in youth group who like to sing, give them some sheet music and tell them to play. You need multiple instruments played well and some people who can sing harmonies. Otherwise it just sounds boring (even if played loudly, noise can be boring too).

2) The congregation normally doesn't know the music. This problem can stem from a lot of areas. Lack of hymnals or "worship aids", little regularity in song choices, but most importantly lack of interest. A lot of people simply aren't interested in singing at mass at all, or will only sing if it's a song everyone knows. They want their voices to be drowned out, so they're not willing to take a chance on something only a few people are singing. As such, it can be very tough to get a foot in that door. Also, a lot of the people who normally sing the hymns at mass are not interested in that guitar stuff and don't really know how to sing to it. Finally under this point, often it seems as though the group doesn't WANT people to sing. This music lends itself more to showmanship than the typical organ music, and if the group is performing your average congregation member does not want to detract from their performance.

3) Praise and Worship music will never be as good as popular music. Let me explain. The whole point of developing the genre of Praise and Worship music is that it appeals to people by emulating popular music. The song structure and instruments are designed to appeal to a younger crowd, in part by being like the music they might normally listen to for fun. The problem here is that Praise and Worship will never be as musically appealing as popular music. Popular music is churned out by a multi-billion dollar industry that has immense power. Praise and Worship music has nowhere near the amount of resources or talent to propel it forward. The one thing it does have going for it is that it is Christian (at least in name, not all the songs are actually Christian), so it can be played at Church.

The end result of all of this is that Praise and Worship music generally winds up being boring to those it is trying to appeal to - the youth. Why would they seek out music they find boring when they can easily access all of the awesome (to them) bands that all of their friends like?

I know many people who are actively trying to improve Praise and Worship music so that it can be more effective. While I appreciate the fact that they are trying to help the Church and Christianity in general, I do believe that their efforts would be better spent elsewhere. To be successful in bringing people (including youth) to mass, we need to focus on that which makes us unique, that which sets us apart. In business terms, the Church needs to occupy a niche. Praise and Worship music is not the answer.

***

Side note: this post does not address a few things, such as whether it is actually wrong to have Praise and Worship music at mass or not. Another item I may blog about is what the answer actually may be. There are lots of thoughts I have about Liturgy, though I am not someone who is incredibly knowledgeable on this subject.

Further side note: my musical credentials when it comes to the Liturgy: at mass I have played accompaniment on the piano, hammered dulcimer in a "contemporary choir", guitar in a Catholic rock band, sang bass and tenor in a choir, and chanted in a schola.

Why you shouldn't listen to Country music

I greatly dislike Country music. I would generally say that Country music is objectively terrible, but that's usually just to amuse myself by getting a reaction out of people by stating an opinion as fact. I love stating opinions as facts, it's quite amusing. Anyway, let me lay out for you why I dislike Country music (in order of annoyance, with most annoying being first):

1) The vocal technique. I can't stand the Country drawl in which just about every note is "scooped". It's so freaking annoying that someone can't just actually sing the actual notes, they have to hover around the note like an annoying waiter who won't just let you eat.

2) The lyrics. The lyrics are almost always stupid. In addition to their stupidity they usually fall into one of three categories: sex, sentimentality, or how awesome the singer (or his state or his country) is. It's amazing to me that people say that Country is about good wholesome values when so many songs are about immorality. Disgusting. The sentimental songs generally are ridiculously sappy. The songs about how awesome someone (or something) is are so childish they could have been written with Mad Libs.

3) The chord progressions. The chord progressions are cookie cutter. They NEVER make you think "Ooo, that's interesting!" If you've never heard a song before they could play the first few chords and you would know what the next one is.

4) The melodies and harmonies. See number 3 above.

5) The fact that country is marketed as Americana. My favorite amusement park is Cedar Point. Cedar Point has an area called Frontier Trail which leads to Frontier Town. To set the "atmosphere" of Frontier times they play modern Country music. So sad!

Number 5 also brings up another point that speaks as to why you shouldn't listen to Country music. Folk music is the precursor to Country music, but Folk music is amazing! Back in the day, the "Old-Timey" music was Folk music. At a certain point, Folk music broke into two separate categories genres: modern Folk and Country. Modern Folk has made some interesting strides and avoids the 5 complaints above almost all of the time. In addition, Folk music is our real American heritage! 

In the end, if you like Country music but haven't given Folk a try, definitely go for it! I'd recommend the Fleet Foxes for some modern Folk or Doc Watson for some more traditional Folk. Other recommendations are welcome in the comments, either on the blog or on facebook.

*disclaimer* I have listened to plenty of Country music, especially in the Spring this year (2013) when I was preparing taxes in an office and it was playing the entire time. I am not all that open to having my mind changed, but if you feel a need to you can go for it.

Wasting food is good for the hungry

You know how when you're a kid your mom always tells you to eat all the food you're given because "There's starving children in Africa!"? A thought occurred to me today. Not the usual thought that the starving kids in africa would not want my tofu stir-fry by the time it could be shipped to them, but something else. In a way, me wasting food is actually good for the hungry people in the world!

Let me explain. If I take more food than I should, or if I allow food to go bad that I have purchased, I am essentially artificially inflating the demand for food (both worldwide and locally). When demand rises, supply follows (on a long-term scale). When supply rises, prices fall. When the price of food falls, the poor can afford food more. Thus, by spending more than I had to on food, I have created economic benefit. I am satisfied in having more options and flexibility in my eating habits, the poor benefit from the drop in prices, and food producers/growers benefit from increased sales.

Now, the above thought doesn't take into account the fact that an increase in demand in a certain area may lead to temporary shortages which would increase the price of food temporarily, but supply would then catch up and even things out with lower prices overall in the long term. I'm sure there are other arguments to be made here as this is just an off-the-cuff thought, but I do find it interesting

The point to be made here is to actually think through commonly-accepted wisdom and determine how wise it actually is. Many things we "know" are not true but have just been repeated so often by so many people that we actually think they are true.


An area of policy that I am interested in but know very little about is farm subsidies and their effect on the economy. Another area related to food that I'm interested in is FDA regulation. I suppose the two are tied together in some cases, but my knowledge is very limited in these areas. Any good links you could leave in the comments or books you could recommend would be welcome.

On blogging and perspective

My first blog post was three days ago and this post will be the fourth post in four days. I say first blog post, though I did have a whiny online diary when I was in highschool for a time. I'm definitely not counting that, but kudos to you if you can find it (is that a challenge?). I've been thinking about the amount of posts I want to make. I realize that one a day is a lot for a first time blogger, but I'm going to try it and see if I run out of things to talk about or become stressed by the attempt. I have a lot to say, so it might not be a problem.

My previous posts have all been of decent length (to my mind) but I'm planning on having some be shorter. Today all I really want to share with you is the changes in perspective I have experienced since starting this blog.

As I have been going throughout my day I have recently starting thinking more about the experiences I am having and the thoughts that come to my mind. Whenever a topic comes to mind that I think might make a good post I store it on the notepad on my phone so I can transfer it to the computer later. This process has made me really take the time to consider my thoughts on things that I would normally not even bother to think about. I do believe it is causing me to be more present to everything going on around me, which is certainly a good thing. Oftentimes I can easily fall into the trap of not bothering to pay attention to things that do not entertain me, which is certainly a weakness of my generation.

I'm rather excited to see if I can continue to write this blog regularly. I can already see positive outcomes in my life.

Pax et bonum!

Marriage and misogynism

Today I was at a "men's session" for RA training (I supervise RAs). We hiked down a river (actually IN the river of course), had a talk, played some frisbee, had a fire, and conversed. While sitting around the fire talking, a friend of mine who recently got engaged asked me if I had any advice for him. I gave him one piece of advice for engagement (maybe I'll share that another time) and one piece for marriage.

For marriage, I told him to enter marriage without specific expectations as to what his marriage would be like. It's good to plan ahead and to talk about what you desire your marriage to be like, but you should get married with an understanding that your beliefs and desires might not work out the way you expect them to. Everyone always tells you that marriage is hard and that it requires a lot of compromise. What they should really tell you is that it is nearly impossible to understand the sacrifices of marriage until you are in marriage. There certainly is an amazing beauty to these sacrifices, to laying down your life for your spouse in both great and small ways, but it does not come easy.

An example I shared with my friend is that at this point in my marriage, both my wife and I expected to have a child or at least be pregnant by now (one year and two months). Neither one of us expected the fertility issues we've encountered and the effect it has had on our life together. I'm only recently coming to the understanding that there is a beauty to this suffering as well, that it can be united to the suffering of Jesus on the cross to draw nearer to him.


After returning home my wife and I had a discussion regarding how some people view marriage. Some of my male friends seem to desire a wife who will basically fill some needs in their life. They see that they would like someone to bear them children, to cook them food, to tend their house, to warm their bed. They look at marriage as a good and noble institution but only seem to think of the worldly benefits they can receive. This is not the Catholic view of marriage.

The Church tells us that marriage is a gift of the self, a dying to oneself for another. "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the Church" St. Paul says in Ephesians. And how did Christ love the Church? He died for her. We are called to do the same in marriage.

Furthermore, from a secular standpoint, why would you look to marriage to just fill your needs? Marriage is one of the largest decisions in your life. In other large decisions (such as where to live, what career to undertake, what religion to be a part of, what major to study in college) don't you look for personal growth? How ridiculous would it be to move to a new country and not expect to grow from your new experiences? Would you expect the country and its culture to conform to your needs? Of course not! You would expect through your experiences in that culture to be changed, to come to new understandings and to grow as a person. Likewise, marriage is an incredible opportunity for personal growth. If you are not looking to grow through marriage, don't get married! If you do and you remain unwilling to grow, your marriage will not last long.

In the end, several of the Catholic men I know look at marriage through a very misogynistic lens. They see the benefits they would receive, they might see the benefits the woman would receive, but they don't see the dying to self and the growth that occurs as a result.

Don't want to grow? Don't want to suffer? Don't want to die?

Then don't get married.

Want to grow? Want to suffer for the sake of another? Want to die to yourself in order to live for others?

Then work towards marriage if you are called to do so. It is beautiful and amazing.

What others think of me, and what I think of others thinking of me.

One of the more interesting comments when I posted on facebook that I was thinking about starting a blog was from a friend who said that I should not blog if I care what others think of me. What I took that to mean was a warning of the people whose opinions of me will be determined by what they read. I like to envision a race of crazy cave-dwelling internet people whose language has only advanced far enough that they can spew angry and racist words that don't really link together into sentences. Somehow I think envisioning them this way makes humanity seem nicer.

Here's the thing: I do care what people think. I care deeply what people think, and not just the people who I'm close to. My ego is pretty darn big; I think highly of myself and want to ensure that others think highly of me as well. But this isn't a GOOD thing. My appreciation of myself can (at times) border on idol-worship. There is a continual battle within me to give credit where it is due, which most of the time is not to me. I have also recently (in the past few years) been learning to accept responsibility for something I have not done well, or even something that is wrong but not my fault.

Do I think blogging will help with my pride issues? No, most likely not. What people think of me may change if they read my thoughts on a regular basis. Some strangers may strongly dislike me, some friends may lose their interest in maintaining our friendship, or possibly the opposite. I'm willing to see what happens.


Pride seems to me to be a misunderstanding of one's self. We see the way we are and we think that we are responsible for being what we are. To some extent this is true. The actions we take, the people we surround ourselves with, and the influences we surround ourselves with certainly account for a large portion of who we are. But there are other factors that are completely out of our control. Our parents, when we were born, where we were born, just about all of the choices during the early years of our lives, the personality God has gifted us with, and many other factors. So many things have gone into making me who I am that I cannot really take credit.

I grew up in a stable home with two parents who loved me. My parents were both very intelligent people who knew how to raise children well. Slightly later in my life my parents both became very faithful people who taught me an appreciate for God and His truth and beauty. Throughout my childhood I was fed a steady diet of as much good literature as I could handle, which was a lot! My family has never been wealthy but I was never afraid of going hungry.

All of these things have been outside of my control. All of them have definitely contributed to the person I am today. It is true that I have made many decisions in the course of my life that have also made me the person I am today. As life goes on we have more and more opportunities to make larger decisions: where to go to college, what career to pursue, who to marry. I feel like I have made excellent choices in these (and other) areas and I wouldn't change any of them. While I am proud (and rightfully so in this case) of the choices I have made, my upbringing and the opportunities given to me in my life have allowed me to make the right choices.

My ramblings on pride lead me to a (non) conclusion that the man I am today is a result of many things, most of which I don't feel I have a right to claim as my decision. The task I have then is to always keep in mind the way my life has been blessed, and that it is perfectly right to like the man I am. Liking who you are is good, but it can also lead to a tendency to puff yourself up beyond the recognition you deserve.


To tie these two sections together, what others think of me should not impact me unless they are people whose opinions I value. I've been around the internet long enough to see plenty of crazies oozing out of the woodwork, and if my blog ever gets to the popularity where that would happen (doubtful) I think I can handle it. In the end, this experiment is not so important to me that I would continue it at the risk of damaging my emotional health. Time will tell!

Why blog? Why not?

I'm not up on the blogosphere much. I don't follow any blogs. Occasionally someone will link to a blog post on facebook and I'll read it, but that's about it.

So why blog? And why now?

I see the world being compressed more and more into bite-sized nuggets of information. The advances in communications technology mean that everyone has access to just about all information. As such, our attention spans are getting shorter as we jump from interesting thing to interesting thing (to cat video). Our interpersonal communications follow the same trend. A prime example of this is twitter and tumblr (and other sites that I have never tried). It seems we are taking facebook and compressing it into just the news feed and even further into just 140 characters.

I believe we are losing an important piece of the beauty of the internet: that we can learn from each other and grow through exposure to other ideas.

We generally only "follow" those who we know or those who we agree with. If we do "follow" someone we don't agree with it is often only to argue with them, to bicker in 140-character snippets that don't offer real insight into our positions. No hearts and minds are changed, no mutual understanding is reached, and very little respect is given to those who have different opinions.

Is blogging the answer to this problem? Possibly. Currently I have decided to make a go of it being MY answer to this problem. I have tried twitter and tumblr; I don't see the appeal. Entertaining, yes, but not as entertaining as a good book, movie, or video game (certainly not as entertaining as a good board game!). I have become disillusioned with facebook. Somewhat useful, but it seems to be increasingly rare that I am actually connecting with people instead of just voyeuristically enjoying their lives.

There are other reasons I am starting a blog now, which I don't believe I will go into at the moment. It is enough for you to know that I see good reasons for blogging, one of which is the reason I outlined above. I hope you gain some benefit from reading this blog, though what that is I don't quite know. Some of my reasons for doing this are more for my own benefit, I may go into that later on. Meanwhile, thank you for reading!