tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54045877644247807062024-02-22T13:09:13.665-08:00Ramblings of an interested party.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15963766604020752251noreply@blogger.comBlogger41125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404587764424780706.post-9531900890355675262014-04-22T20:45:00.001-07:002014-04-22T20:46:34.035-07:00Infertility Awareness Week: A Catholic Perspective<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name" style="background-color: white; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 22px; font-weight: normal; margin: 0.75em 0px 0px; position: relative;">
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<span style="color: black;"><i> **Note: This is a beautiful look into infertility written collectively by the members of a Facebook group that Aimee (the wife) is a part of, and organized by our friend <a href="http://theroadhomewv.blogspot.com/" style="color: #8e8e8e; text-decoration: none;">Rebecca</a> (who will be posting all week, if you're interested in more!) I know its long, but please, please if you have a few minutes to spare today, spend them reading this. Chances are, you know someone experiencing infertility; it is a complicated cross, and difficult to understand for those who have never experienced it.**</i></span></div>
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<b><span style="color: black;">Infertility Awareness Week, 2014: A Catholic Perspective </span></b><span style="color: black;"></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;">One in six couples will experience infertility at some point in their marriage. Infertility is medically defined as the inability to conceive after 12 cycles of “unprotected” intercourse or 6 cycles using “fertility-focused” intercourse. A couple who has never conceived has “primary infertility” and a couple who has conceived in the past but is unable to again has “secondary infertility”. Many couples who experience infertility have also experienced miscarriage or pregnancy loss.</span></div>
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<span style="color: black;">This week, April 20 – 26, 2014 is National Infertility Awareness Week.</span></div>
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<span style="color: black;">We, a group of Catholic women who have experienced infertility, would like to take a moment to share with you what the experience of infertility is like, share ways that you can be of support to a family member or friend, and share resources that are helpful.</span></div>
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<span style="color: black;">If you are experiencing infertility, please know</span><span style="color: black;"> <b>you are not alone</b></span><span style="color: black;">. You are loved and prayed for and there are resources to help you with the spiritual, emotional, and medical aspects of this journey</span></div>
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<b><span style="color: black;">The Experience of Infertility</span></b><span style="color: black;"></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;">In the beginning of trying to conceive a child, there is much hope and anticipation; for some, even a small fear of “what if we get pregnant right away?” There is planning of how to tell your husband and when you’d announce to the rest of the family. It is a joyful time that for most couples results in a positive pregnancy test within the first few months. <b>However, for one in six couples, the months go by without a positive test and the fears and doubts begin to creep in.</b> At the 6th month of trying using fertility-focused intercourse (using Natural Family Planning), the couple knows something is wrong and is considered “infertile” by doctors who understand the charting of a woman’s pattern of fertility.</span><b><span style="color: black;"> </span></b><span style="color: black;"> </span><span style="color: black;">At the 9th month of trying, the month that, had they conceived that first month, a baby would have been arriving, is often the most painful of the early milestones. At the 12th month mark the couple “earns” the label from the mainstream medical community as “infertile”.</span></div>
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<span style="color: black;">As the months go by, the hopes and <b>dreams are replaced with fears,</b> doubts, and the most invasive doctors’ appointments possible. As a Catholic couple faithful to the teachings of the Church, we are presented by secular doctors with options that are not options for us and are told things like “you’ll never have children” and “you have unexplained infertility”; by our Catholic doctors we are told to keep praying and to have hope as they roll up their sleeves and work hard to figure out the cause of our infertility, with each visit asking, <b>“How are you and your husband doing with all of this?”</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;">We find it hard to fit in. We have faith and values that are different than our secular culture, but our childlessness (primary infertility) or small family (secondary infertility) makes us blend in with the norm. We have faith and values that are in line with the teachings of our Church, but our daily life looks so much different than the others who share those values and that makes us stand out in a way that we would rather not. We are Catholic husbands and wives living out our vocation fully.<b>Our openness to life does not come in the form of children; it takes on the form of a quiet “no” or “not yet” or “maybe never” from God each month as we slowly trod along.</b> Our openness to and respect for life courageously resists the temptations presented to us by the secular artificial reproductive technology industry.</span></div>
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<span style="color: black;">Often times our friends and family do not know what to say to us, and so they choose to not say anything. <b>Our infertility stands like a great big elephant in the room that separates us from others. </b>Most of the time, we don’t want to talk about it, especially not in public or in group settings because it is painful and we will often shed tears. We realize it is difficult and ask that you realize this difficulty as well. We will do our best to be patient and to explain our situation to those who genuinely would like to know, but please respect our privacy and the boundaries we establish, as not only is infertility painful, it is also very personal.</span></div>
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<span style="color: black;">One of the hardest experiences of infertility is that it is cyclical. Each month we get our hopes up as we try; we know what our due date would be as soon as we ovulate; we know how we would share the news with our husband and when and how we would tell our parents. We spend two weeks walking <b>a fine line between hope and realism, between dreaming and despairing</b>. When our next cycle begins – with cramps and bleeding and tears – we often only have a day or two before we must begin taking the medications that are meant to help us conceive. There is little to no time to mourn the dream that is once again not achievable; no time to truly allow ourselves to heal from one disappointment before we must begin hoping and trying again. We do not get to pick what days our hormones will plummet or how the medications we are often taking will affect us. We do not get to pick the day that would be “best” for us for our next cycle to start. <b>We are at the mercy of hope, and while that hope keeps us going it is also what leaves us in tears when it is not realized.</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;">Our faith is tested. We ask God “why?”, we yell at Him; we draw closer to God and we push Him away. Mass brings us to tears more often than not and the season of Advent brings us to our knees. The chorus of “Happy Mother’s Day” that surrounds us at Mass on the second Sunday in May will be almost more devastating than the blessing of mothers itself. <b>We know that the Lord is trustworthy and that we can trust in Him</b>; sometimes it is just a bigger task than we can achieve on our own.</span></div>
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<b><span style="color: black;">Please…</span></b><span style="color: black;"></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><b><span style="color: black;">Pray for us.</span></b><span style="color: black;"> Truly, it is the best thing that anyone can do.</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="color: black;">Do not make assumptions about anything - not the size of a family or whether or not a couple knows what is morally acceptable to the Church. Most couples who experience infertility do so in silence and these assumptions only add to the pain. If you are genuinely interested, and not merely curious, begin a genuine friendship and discover the truth over time.</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="color: black;">Do not offer advice such as “just relax," “you should adopt," “try this medical option or that medical option” – or really give any advice. <b>Infertility is a symptom of an underlying medical problem; a medical problem that often involves complicated and invasive treatment to cure.</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="color: black;">Do not assume that we will adopt. Adoption is a call and should be discerned by every married couple. Infertility does not automatically mean that a couple is meant to adopt.</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="color: black;">Ask how we are doing and be willing to hear and be present for the “real” answer. Often times we answer, “OK” because that’s the easy, “safe” answer. Let us know that you are willing to walk through this the tough time with us. <b>Frequently we just need someone who is willing to listen </b>and give us a hug and let us know we are loved.</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="color: black;">Offer a Mass for us or give us a prayer card or medal to let us know you are praying for us. Just please refrain from telling us how we must pray this novena or ask for that saint’s intercession. Most likely we’ve prayed it and ask for the intercession daily. Please feel free to pray novenas and ask for intercession on our behalf.</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="color: black;">Be tolerant and patient. The medications we take can leave us at less than our best; we may not have the energy or ability to do much. Please also respect us when we say "no, thank you" to food or drinks. We may have restricted diets due to our medical conditions and/or medications.</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><b><span style="color: black;">Share the good news of your pregnancy privately</span></b><span style="color: black;"> (preferably in an email or card or letter and not via text, IM chat, phone call or in person - <i>or as Aimee says, if you're wanting to do it in a more immediate fashion, like in person, be prepared to see tears</i>) and as soon as possible. Please understand that we are truly filled with joy for you; any sadness we feel is because we have been reminded of our own pain and we often feel horrible guilt over it as well. Please be patient and kind if we don’t respond immediately, attend your baby shower or “Like” all of your Facebook updates about your children. Again, <b>it is really about us, not you</b>.</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="color: black;">Help steer group conversations away from pregnancy and parenting topics when we are around. We like to be able to interact in a conversation to which we can contribute meaningfully.</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="color: black;">Do not ask when we are going to “start a family” (we started one the day we got married).</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="color: black;">Do not ask which one of us is the “problem” – <b>we are either fertile or infertile as a couple.</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="color: black;">Do not say things like "I know you'll be parents some day," or "It will happen, I know it will!" Along the same lines, please do not tell us stories of a couple you know who struggled for years and went on to conceive or to "just adopt and then you'll get pregnant" (this one actually only happens a small percentage of the time). Only God knows what our future holds, please pray with us that we are able to graciously accept His will for our lives.</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Symbol;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><b><span style="color: black;">Do not pity us. Yes, we have much sorrow. Yes, we struggle. But, we place our faith in God, lean on the grace of our marriage, and trust that someday, whether here on earth or in heaven, we will see and understand God’s plan.</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: black;">Resources:</span></b><span style="color: black;"></span></div>
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<a href="https://www.avemariapress.com/product/1-59471-289-1/The-Infertility-Companion-for-Catholics/" style="color: #8e8e8e; text-decoration: none;">Infertility Companion for Catholics</a><span style="color: black;"></span></div>
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<a href="http://store.pauline.org/english/books/productid/3872.aspx" style="color: #8e8e8e; text-decoration: none;">Facing Infertility: A Catholic Approach</a><span style="color: black;"></span></div>
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<a href="http://www.usccb.org/issues-and-action/marriage-and-family/natural-family-planning/resources/upload/Reproductive-Technology-Evaluation-Treatment-of-Infertility-Guidelines-for-Catholic-Couples.pdf" style="color: #8e8e8e; text-decoration: none;">Reproductive Technology: Guidelines for Catholic Couples (From the USCCB)</a></div>
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<span style="color: black;">Bloggers who contributed to this article (those with an * have children after primary infertility or are experiencing secondary infertility. They are marked as such so that if you aren’t up for possibly seeing baby/child pictures today, you can meet them on a day when you are, but please do take the time to go and visit them.):</span></div>
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<a href="http://thiscrossiembrace.com/" style="color: #8e8e8e; text-decoration: none;">Amy @ This Cross I Embrace</a></div>
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<a href="http://alittlesnapshot.blogspot.com/" style="color: #8e8e8e; text-decoration: none;">DM & AM @ Snapshots</a></div>
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<a href="http://luckyassunshine.blogspot.com/" style="color: #8e8e8e; text-decoration: none;">K @ Lucky as Sunshine</a></div>
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<a href="http://infertileminnesota.blogspot.com/" style="color: #8e8e8e; text-decoration: none;">L @ Infertile in Minnesota</a></div>
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<a href="http://aboundingloveva.blogspot.com/" style="color: #8e8e8e; text-decoration: none;">Lora @ Abounding Love</a></div>
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<a href="http://graceofadoption.blogspot.com/" style="color: #8e8e8e; text-decoration: none;">Mary Beth @ Grace of Adoption</a> </div>
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<a href="http://cjfitz.blogspot.com/" style="color: #8e8e8e; text-decoration: none;">Mrs. Fitz @ Romans 12:12</a><span style="color: black;"></span></div>
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<a href="http://tellhimyourplans.blogspot.com/" style="color: #8e8e8e; text-decoration: none;">Polkadot @ Making God Laugh</a><span style="color: black;"></span></div>
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<a href="http://www.theroadhomewv.blogspot.com/" style="color: #8e8e8e; text-decoration: none;">Rebecca @ The Road Home</a><span style="color: black;"></span></div>
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<a href="http://blessedtobeblog.blogspot.com/" style="color: #8e8e8e; text-decoration: none;">Stephanie @ Blessed to Be</a></div>
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<a href="http://iledif.blogspot.com/" style="color: #8e8e8e; text-decoration: none;">Stephanie @ Chateau d’IF</a></div>
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<a href="http://allinhisperfecttiming.blogspot.com/" style="color: #8e8e8e; text-decoration: none;">*A. @ All in His Perfect Timing</a></div>
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<span style="color: black;">*</span><a href="http://matchingmoonheads.wordpress.com/" style="color: #8e8e8e; text-decoration: none;">Alison @ Matching Moonheads </a></div>
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<a href="http://findingjoyalongtheway.blogspot.com/" style="color: #8e8e8e; text-decoration: none;">*E. @ God’s Plan is My Joy</a></div>
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<a href="http://allthingsjjh.blogspot.com/" style="color: #8e8e8e; text-decoration: none;">*Jenny @ All Things</a></div>
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<span style="color: black;">*</span><a href="http://justthinkoflovelythings.blogspot.com/" style="color: #8e8e8e; text-decoration: none;">Katie @ Just Think of Lovely Things</a></div>
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*<a href="http://joybeyondthecross.blogspot.com/" style="color: #8e8e8e; text-decoration: none;">M. @ Joy Beyond the Cross</a></div>
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*<a href="http://therobbins-lifeasweknowit.blogspot.com/" style="color: #8e8e8e; text-decoration: none;">Morgan @ Life as We Know It</a></div>
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<a href="http://fumblingtowardgrace.com/" style="color: #8e8e8e; text-decoration: none;">*Sarah @ Fumbling Toward Grace</a></div>
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<span style="color: black;">There is also a “Secret” Facebook group with over 150 members who contributed to this article as well. For more information or to join the group, email Rebecca at RebeccaWVU02@gmail.com.</span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15963766604020752251noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404587764424780706.post-56621668545243088012014-01-24T20:00:00.001-08:002014-01-24T20:00:22.832-08:00The March for LifeOn January 22nd I jumped into a vehicle with 5 other people at 4 AM and headed to DC for the March for Life. I had not been to the march for several years, mostly due to my frustrations with it. I had a mostly good experience with it but my frustrations are definitely still there.<br />
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An example of my frustrations: the march is always proceeded by a rally in which various people speak about abortion. The rally started off this year with a brief concert by Matt Maher, a Catholic musician. As he was starting to play he talked about how our country needed to come to a greater respect for life. His solution? We need God.<br />
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I didn't stay for the entire rally but every speaker that I heard mentioned God at some point. We even had a statement from Pope Francis. There was plenty of prayer during the rally.<br />
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Don't get me wrong, I love God. I love prayer. I love my Catholic faith. But the March for Life should not be a religious event.<br />
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Abortion is the greatest Civil Rights issue of the 21st century. It affects more people than any other issue. And yes, we need the grace of God to combat the evil of abortion. Prayer is important when combating evil. But in the political arena we should keep religious arguments out.<br />
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Why? I'm glad you asked! Allow me to outline a few points:<br />
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1. Religious arguments are not effective in influencing policy.<br />
Our political system does not base decisions on what we as a country believe the will of God is. Some would argue that our nation was founded on Christian principles, but that is certainly up for debate. Regardless of the founding, it is obvious that we do not now base decisions on the will of God. Some individual politicians perhaps believe they are doing that very thing, but as a whole we are a secular country politically. Religious arguments are not effective in influencing policy decisions.<br />
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2. Religious arguments do not change hearts and minds.<br />
Let's separate out people into a few groups here: people who are not religious, people who are religious and support the legality of abortion, and people who are religious and do not support the legality of abortion. Religious arguments obviously do not change the hearts and minds of those who are not religious. People who are religious and do not support of the legality of abortion do not need their hearts and minds to be changed. People who are religious and support the legality of abortion do not listen when you make religious arguments. There are many reasons here, one is that we tend to compartmentalize our faith and determine for ourselves what it means and what beliefs we agree with. People who are religious but are pro-choice are very unlikely to listen when someone makes a religious argument.<br />
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3. Religious arguments ostracize fellow pro-lifers. The March for Life is probably the only time and place I am ever embarrassed to be Roman Catholic. We Catholics turn a civil protest into a celebration of Catholicism. We talk about which dioceses are there, we read a message from the pope, we have priests and bishops speak, we have little Marian processions, one group even plays "Hail Holy Queen" with their brass band. The March for Life is a Catholic event. How do you feel a pro-life atheist would feel at the rally or during the march? How about a muslim, or a buddhist, or even a jew? Heck, I bet even the other Christian denominations feel somewhat awkward amidst all of the Catholicism present. Before the march I met a lady in my march group who was a buddhist. At the end of the march we were standing in front of the Supreme Court when a group of post-abortive women was beginning to speak. They asked Fr. Frank Pavone of Priests for Life to begin in a prayer. As he started a (beautiful) prayer, the buddhist woman mentioned to me that she did not feel comfortable there and she was going to leave. Anecdotal, I know, but I believe it's indicative of how non-Catholics feel.<br />
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4. Non-religious arguments work better.<br />
What is the goal of the March for Life and the pro-life movement in general? To end abortion, which we consider to be an evil killing of human life. To gain this end shouldn't we use the most effective arguments? I am no ethicist, but I believe that killing a human being is wrong. There are many arguments which more philosophically-inclined people can outline better than I, but my personal beliefs boil down to just that: killing a human being is wrong. Unborn children are human beings. The science of embryology tells us that. For that matter, unborn children have some political rights as well: they can inherit property and they can be considered victims in murder cases (killing a pregnant woman and her child is often considered a double-homicide). We consider them human beings except when they inconvenience us.<br />
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To me, arguments along those lines of thought are far more compelling than "God loves unborn babies," especially when it comes to atheists, agnostics, and just your average everyday non-religious person. To win the right to life, we need them on board.<br />
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(One last thing, if you would like to know more about secular pro-life arguments and the secular pro-life cause, I highly recommend checking out <a href="http://www.lifemattersjournal.org/" target="_blank">Life Matters Journal</a>. I am, of course, biased in that I am madly in love with the Executive Director, who happens to be my lovely wife. Also the march meet-up group I was a part of that was sponsored by Life Matters Journal was featured in a buzzfeed article that you can read <a href="http://www.buzzfeed.com/bennyjohnson/13-young-secular-people-who-also-believe-abortion-is-wrong" target="_blank">here</a>.)Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15963766604020752251noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404587764424780706.post-75391938004233886572014-01-05T00:02:00.001-08:002014-01-05T00:03:41.655-08:00Update on life over Christmas breakLet's try this again.<br />
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My last post was an attempt to get back into blogging but it had the unfortunate luck to be right at the beginning of Christmas break. Between the work of closing the neighborhood and the traveling over break I just haven't updated here recently. Several good topics have popped up in my mind, but I feel like I need to do a life update to get myself back on track before blogging again in earnest.<br />
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A lot has happened since I last did a life update. To begin with, I took my last final and graduated with my Master of Business Administration degree from FUS. I managed to get two As in my last semester, which was one of my major goals for the semester. I ended up with a 3.98 GPA (one pesky A-, maybe I'll tell the story of that sometime). I'm very happy that I decided to get my Masters, but even happier that it's over. Having a semester with just work and no classes is going to be so incredible.<br />
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Right before I finished up my degree my mother finished her last classes necessary to get her Lay Ministry Certification from the diocese of Cleveland. She's been working at a parish in the diocese while she took classes for her certification. I'm very impressed at her willingness to go back to school and acquire this skill set for her third career (teacher, then mother, now lay minister). The diocese is lucky to have her, as is her parish. I'm looking forward to celebrating her new certification at an official mass later this month at the cathedral.<br />
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The wife and I (and the dog) spent a week at my parents' house right before Christmas. It was a great time, very relaxing. We had the dog with us of course, and this was the longest he had been at their house. He actually did very well. My parents are getting used to him, we've never been dog people but he's just so dang lovable. The backyard is big and unfenced so it was a bit of a pain to take him out and walk around with him every time he had to go outside, but on the whole it was easier than I expected to have him there. A couple of times he and I started the morning by running right to the end of the property because he was just so excited to get out and run!<br />
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We came back to Steubenville on the 23rd and flew out to California on the 24th to spend some time with the wife's family near Sacramento. Because Domino (the dog) is an Emotional Support Animal he was able to ride with us on our laps during the flights. Our strategy to have him behave was to keep him up all night the night before. We slept in shifts and whoever was up would just make sure he didn't go to sleep. It worked pretty well, he slept all through both flights. The only slight problem we had was misestimating his food consumption. I had to clean up a bit of a mess in the Houston airport, but luckily it was in an unused terminal so no one else was around.<br />
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California was beautiful, the weather was incredibly nice. We spent a lot of time with the wife's family, including some of her extended family. We also went to the casino for a bit and wasted $20 on video poker, good times. The wife's father is big into horse racing so we went to the track because I had never been. Can't say that I was that big of a fan, I prefer gambling where my decisions have an impact on the result. Oh well! It was interesting, and I do see why people like it, but just not my thing.<br />
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Domino enjoyed his time at the house with the nice fenced-in backyard, and we certainly enjoyed having a doggie door for him to use. My brother-in-law's dog Skippy was not a huge fan of Domino at first, but after a couple of days they got used to each other and had a great time. This was my fourth year visiting near Christmastime out there, and this was the first year that I actually enjoyed spending time with Skippy. Having a dog has certainly changed some things!<br />
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One of the most awesome things that has happened recently is that the wife got a job! She is going to be working at IKEA Pittsburgh at the returns counter. She's very excited, and I'm very proud. IKEA tends to hire from within, so it's not easy to get a job there. From everything I've heard (not just recently, I've heard a lot about IKEA) they treat their employees very well. Their retention rates are excellent, which is rare in retail. It seems like there is a decent possibility of her being able to move up in the ranks there if that's something she wants in the future. Her first day is this week, so we'll see how it works out. As always, I am optimistic!<br />
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I got my LSAT score back a few days ago and it was 172 (out of 180). I'm definitely satisfied with a 172, but I wouldn't say I'm ecstatic or anything. I knew I could do well and I would've been disappointed with anything below a 170. 172 is excellent, but had I studied harder and longer I'm sure I could've done better. I could probably up the score if I took it again, but I have no desire to. When I was in highschool I upped my ACT from a 31 to a 32, but I don't think that was really worth it. Still, a 172 is in the 99th percentile, so that's cool.<br />
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I'm still not sure if I actually want to go to law school. I've been thinking about it and talking to some friends about it. Where I'm at right now boils down to two points. The first is that we want to live in Pittsburgh, and the wife finding a job there just confirms that plan. The second is that the wife's job by itself will not make enough for us to live on. Therefore, if I do go to law school it would have to be in Pittsburgh and I would have to be able to make some sort of an income. I will be applying to the two law schools in Pittsburgh (Pitt and Duquesne) to see what they offer me, but I don't even know if either of them offers some sort of fellowship or living stipend. If so, it's a possibility. If not, then law school is most likely either not going to happen or just be put on hold.<br />
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As of right now I have RA training and Orientation over the next week. School starts up again in about a week (though not for me!). I will be applying to law schools and jobs in Human Resources. We are going to look into how much of a mortgage we would be approved for in order to buy a house. There are lots of possibilities, it's an exciting time!<br />
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(One last thing, in December I hit my 10,000th page view on the blog! Thanks for reading!)Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15963766604020752251noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404587764424780706.post-32548779153255892422013-12-19T21:45:00.002-08:002013-12-19T21:45:41.090-08:00Duck Dynasty debateSo my facebook newsfeed has erupted recently with comments from all corners about A&E firing Phil Robertson, the patriarch on the reality show <i>Duck Dynasty</i>. I for one have never seen the show (nor do I really have any desire to), but the controversy piqued my interest enough to read through Robertson's interview with GQ (available <a href="http://www.gq.com/entertainment/television/201401/duck-dynasty-phil-robertson?currentPage=1" target="_blank">here</a>). After reading it's clear to me that this is a very stupid controversy. Let me explain:<br />
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Robertson's comments on homosexuality are not intelligent. They do not adequately or clearly explain a Christian perspective on homosexuality. He makes no argument that would convince someone that his worldview is an informed one. His comments are those of the stereotypical bible-thumping backwoods hillbilly with a lack of compassion for his fellow man and a lack of delicacy on what is a very delicate issue.<br />
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Let me be clear: I believe that homosexual acts are immoral. While I will not go into an in-depth discussion here, I will say that my belief is formed by scripture and my Catholic faith. Homosexuality is an extremely delicate topic to talk about and require a lot of nuance that isn't quite covered by the typically-used phrase "hate the sin, love the sinner."<br />
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Regardless of what you believe about homosexuality, it is clear that Robertson's comments do nothing to help understand the issue. His comments sound very unintelligent, though I was previously under the impression that he had to be a (at least somewhat) intelligent man to successfully create his business empire (or is that his son's? I really don't know). Conservatives who defend his comments are hurting their credibility in the homosexuality discussion.<br />
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The cry I hear everyone making now is "But he has a Constitutional right to free speech!" Certainly he does! He was well within his rights as an American to make those comments. The thing with free speech though is you still have to deal with the consequences of your speech. A&E is well within their rights to fire Robertson if they don't want to be associated with his comments. They are under no obligation to continue to employ him (I'm sure there are contract stipulations that allow them to terminate the business relationship if he says something that will hurt their image).<br />
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Now, do I think A&E should have fired him? From a business standpoint, possibly. The outcry of those obsessed with political correctness makes him a liability to the company, but at the same time his show is insanely popular. Also, his show is popular exactly <i>because </i>they are bible-thumping backwoods good ol' boys. This interview actually helps his branding more than hurting it. A&E seems to have made the decision that the liability outweighed the benefits of continuing to have him on the show. It's entirely conceivable that whenever their contract allows them to do so the family will jump ship to another network, and that is also their right to do so.<br />
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Bottom line is: there is nothing morally or constitutionally wrong with A&E firing Phil Robertson. He made comments, they reacted to them. They are not firing him for being a Christian, they are firing him for making public statements that they want to distance themselves from.<br />
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There is a bigger lesson here. Reality TV is popular because it is an escape from our lives into other people's lives. Often these people are larger than life characters who start to become like family to their viewers. I'm not talking about game shows, talent competitions, cooking shows, talk shows, or home improvement shows. I'm talking about the <i>Here Comes Honey Boo Boo</i>s of the entertainment world. People find entertainment by feeling empathetic with these people, mocking these people, or just escaping into their world. There is very little redeeming value here when considering the opportunity cost. You could spend the time you would normally spend watching <i>Duck Dynasty</i> with your family or friends, reading a book, or watching a fictional show. Finding entertainment in watching other people's families is unhealthy and slightly perverse. You have real people in your life. You have fictional characters that can lead you to a much better understanding of people than the half-real people on the reality shows who only show you the parts of their lives that they (or the network) want you to see.<br />
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Reality TV gains viewership by appealing to the voyeurism that is within everyone to some degree. Fight back - don't watch it.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15963766604020752251noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404587764424780706.post-63784982630726560862013-12-13T00:45:00.002-08:002013-12-13T00:45:31.409-08:00The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug reviewWell, it's 3:20 Friday morning and I just got back from the midnight release of The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug. Seems like a good time to write a review!<br />
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There are no real spoilers in the following review, though my opinion may certainly influence your perception of the movie. Personally I feel that it is better to watch movies without reading reviews as they can unduly affect your enjoyment of the movie. If you agree with me, I'll just let you know my overall rating and you can skip the rest: 2 out of 5.<br />
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In a nutshell: I was very disappointed. The second Hobbit film does not live up to the promise of the first one. The number one complaint I had was that it was too absurd. The combat scenes in particular were just ludicrously unrealistic. With only two minor exceptions that I can think of, everything goes exactly right for the good guys. One of them can toss a weapon a few yards to one of the others who will then kill someone and toss it back in enough time for the first guy to kill someone else with it. Honestly, the orcs would have to be TRYING to be that bad at fighting. I know orcs are supposed to be numerous rather than skillful, but there's no way they're that bad (and there's no way the good guys are that good).<br />
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Another major complaint is that the characters are no longer likable. Even Bilbo, the hobbit we all know and love, is subject to corruption and shades of darkness. This is a fantastical story that requires a hero for us to be invested in. Due to both the absurdity of much of the movie and losing my interest in Bilbo I found myself not being immersed in the film.<br />
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The thing about the Hobbit is that (unlike The Lord of the Rings) the story actually already works pretty well for a movie. It's a hero's quest story with a linear narrative and a clear character arc for Bilbo. Peter Jackson destroyed the linear narrative and took away from Bilbo's story by adding characters and plots that are entirely unnecessary. The romantic subplot is particularly egregious in its absurdity.<br />
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There are a few things that I enjoyed in the movie. Smaug is quite good, as is the Master of Laketown (honestly, has Stephen Fry ever done anything that hasn't been excellent?). The Dwarven culture continues to be treated fairly well, but its treatment is balanced out by Jackson's elves, which are even worse than the elves in The Lord of the Rings.<br />
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By changing the story and adding superfluous story lines, the movie winds up losing the charm of the book. Jackson's hubris is shameful: it is clear that he thinks he can improve upon the masterful story telling of J.R.R. Tolkien. 2 out of 5 stars.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15963766604020752251noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404587764424780706.post-51239892039768266782013-12-10T16:55:00.002-08:002013-12-10T16:55:59.362-08:00I'm back!Well loyal readers, it's been... wait. Do I have loyal readers? Interesting question. If so, I should start each blog post with "Well loyal readers...". Anyway readers, regardless of your loyalty, it's been about three weeks since my last blog post. Coincidentally, I started studying for the LSAT about three weeks ago. That ended last Saturday when I finally took it, so now I'm trying to get back into the swing of things blogging-wise.<br />
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The LSAT was interesting. I actually rather enjoyed studying for it, though I didn't study nearly enough. At the same time, I don't know if studying more would have helped. The LSAT really does test your ability to reason, so it's rather difficult to boost that. I think I did well. It's hard to tell for certain, and I won't know my score until the beginning of January. One thing that was interesting is that they're very strict as to what you can bring into the testing center (no phones, everything in a zip lock, no mechanical pencils, etc.), but they didn't actually have any kind of security checkpoint or anything to check what people were bringing in. They did have a proctor sitting at the back of the room looking at everyone, so I guess they would've caught it had someone been using something like that.<br />
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I managed to finish each section in time. The logic games section I actually struggled with when it came to one problem just because I was trying to go fast and missed the fact that there were only seven people involved, not eight. I skipped past it because it was giving me so much trouble, but came back after finishing the other sections and figured it out with five seconds to spare! On all the other sections I had enough time to go back through all of the questions I marked as being a little unsure on, so that was good. They also have a writing sample section which is not part of the graded score. It's mildly entertaining to me that I believe I'll get a very good score and then someone will look at my writing sample with my extremely childish printing. I can type relatively fast but I was just never very good at writing. I think I was just so stubborn that I insisted on making the letters the way I thought was best. For example, I write my "O"s by starting at the bottom.<br />
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I felt rather old taking the test. There were probably about one hundred and fifty of us spread throughout maybe ten classrooms, but it seemed like everyone was in their early twenties.. It made me realize that if I do go to law school I'd probably be one of the oldest people in my classes. Interesting. I suppose it would be different if I go part-time, which is more likely if I do wind up going. It would be very difficult to go to school full-time and just live on the wife's salary.<br />
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During the past three weeks the wife and I have come to a decision regarding our infertility. We currently will not be trying to improve our fertility medically. Our emotional wellness was suffering from constantly being reminded of our infertility and having our hopes continually dashed. The cost of tests, medication, and diet foods was also getting prohibitively high. In the end it doesn't make sense for us to spend so much time, energy, and money trying for something that has a miniscule chance of occurring. Maybe some day in the future we will try again, or start the adoption process. Right now we're going to spend more time and energy working towards future jobs and such.<br />
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Also in the past few weeks we had a very nice Thanksgiving with my family, work has gotten crazy, and we've been looking at houses in Pittsburgh. I intend to resume posting regularly. If you have any topics you'd like to hear my opinion on, by all means let me know! Thanks for reading!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15963766604020752251noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404587764424780706.post-72759839413278529902013-11-17T22:36:00.000-08:002013-11-17T22:36:34.144-08:00Law school?It's been an interesting few days.<br />
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On Friday I took a practice LSAT. I have toyed around with the idea of law school before but never really thought about it seriously. In a meeting a couple of weeks ago with Career Services here on campus I talked with the director about my interest in working in Human Resources. She mentioned that a lot of people who work in the higher jobs in Human Resources have law degrees. We then talked about the possibility of law school and she told me that the library here on campus has a couple of practice LSATs on their website.<br />
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Friday rolled around and I was planning on getting some new tires for my car. As the afternoon wore on I realized that I had absolutely no desire to go get new tires, so I decided to take the practice LSAT. I had never studied for the LSAT before, the most I knew about the questions was having looked at two in my friend's study book about four months before.<br />
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I rocked the test.<br />
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It really wasn't that surprising to me, test taking comes naturally to me. I did very well on the ACT and SAT back in high school. The LSAT has three main topics: reading comprehension, logical reasoning, and logic games. Reading comprehension is very easy to me. I didn't miss a question there and I didn't really find any of them difficult. The logic games section on the LSAT is similar to logic games I used to do for fun when I was growing up in a book my mom had. The logical reasoning sections are a little more difficult for me, but still were mostly fairly easy.<br />
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After taking the test I went back home, talked to the wife about it, and did some research online. The practice test didn't give me an exact score that I would've gotten on the LSAT, but it gave me a range of scores typical for someone who did as well as I did. The lowest score in that range is generally enough to get a full ride to many law schools.<br />
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I did a little more research about both the LSAT and law school. I looked at a bunch of the ways to do better on the LSAT and people talking about how they improved their score by 12 points by just doing such-and-such and that kind of thing. I came to the conclusion that there is a chance that I can get a perfect 180 on the LSAT.<br />
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I went to the library and skimmed some books about the test and about law school. I wound up borrowing "Advanced LSAT Practice" to have some questions to study up on. I then went back home and got back online to research more.<br />
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At 8:05 PM or so I looked into registering for the LSAT in December and found that the deadline was that night at 9 PM. Seemed like a sign to me, so I went for it. I will be taking the actual test on December 7th at the University of Pittsburgh. For the next three weeks until then I will be studying the questions. I basically already know most of the methods, I'll probably still research some but I don't really expect to learn anything new method-wise.<br />
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After registering I did some more research on law school. It seems that everyone hates law school (or at least everyone who is there or has been there recently). By far the most common advice regarding law school is <b>"</b><b>DON'T GO TO LAW SCHOOL."</b> The reasoning seems to boil down to three things: the cost, the stress, and job prospects. Regarding the cost, I don't believe I would be interested in going to law school if I had to pay for it. If I get the scores on the LSAT I think I will, I most likely would not have to pay for law school. Regarding the stress, when it comes down to it if I can't handle the stress I would quit. If I am getting a full ride then quitting isn't as big of a deal, so I would still have that out.<br />
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Regarding job prospects, that is a very real concern. Law school are churning out graduates at a much higher rate than there are jobs for new lawyers. The difficulty of finding a job after graduation is certainly a very real concern. I do have a couple things in my favor over your average law school graduate. One is that I will have (very shortly) an MBA. The other, which is far more important, is that I have six years of professional job experience. Still, the statistics regarding recent graduates of law school are concerning.<br />
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It's been an interesting weekend of planning for the future. Feel free to leave a comment if you have any thoughts, I've already heard from some of my lawyer and law school friends, but thoughts are welcome from all sides.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15963766604020752251noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404587764424780706.post-91042953763329256402013-11-15T12:24:00.000-08:002013-12-10T16:57:34.925-08:00Living the (Unintentionally) Child-free Life - [a guestpost from Aimee]<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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There have been a lot of posts going around in the Catholic internetosphere: fecundophobia, child-free living, fertility crises as women age and put careers ahead of family. I'm sure that some people, when they see Kyle and I, assume that because we've been married for more than a year and are still childless, we obviously must be contracepting. While it's true that we live a "child-free life", it's unintentional in the worst way possible.</div>
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Kyle's written about infertility from his perspective. And if you know me, you've probably heard me talk about it as well. We've been trying to conceive for almost a year and a half now. We've had the onslaught of tests performed, with the results staring glaringly back at us: in our current medical state, we have <1% chance every year of conceiving. It's still possible, but it would essentially be a miracle if we ever were able to conceive and have biological children of our own.<br />
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So right now we're trying to work on our health to see if we can improve our chances at all -- maybe giving it another year of intense medical treatment before we reevaluate our odds and decide whether to continue. Fertility treatments are not cheap. And because we're faithful to the Catholic Church's teachings on fertility and conception, we won't go down the road of IVF -- which would probably (because of our particular medical diagnoses) give us higher chances of conception and pregnancy than natural means. So we're spending money on natural (and Church-approved) methods of treatment with a NaPro doctor, we're in the thousands by now and we have yet to reach the point of diagnostic surgery. </div>
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This is not what we expected when we said "I do." There were no indications prior to our wedding day that either of us had infertility issues. We had hoped and planned to have a large family -- we were honestly hoping for at least 5 children... I was dreaming of 10 little ones, to raise up "as little saints". We expected the hardships of raising children on a meager salary, the hardships of learning how to live with someone, the hardships of learning to be married and be parents at the same time. We didn't expect the cross of infertility.</div>
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But here we are, a year and a half in -- no more pregnant than the couch I am sitting on. With odds stacked against us. This was not the life we had planned. A child-free life was not what we wanted.</div>
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And I hear the sorts of attempts at consolations and trite phrases thrown about with no regard to the logical psychological reactions. <i><b>"In God's good time/God has a special child planned for you in His own time"</b></i> -- I hear that a lot. I think it's meant to comfort me in that people are saying that someday we will have children, according to His will and stuff. But what if it's not His will that we have children? <b><i>"If you want God to laugh, tell Him your plans"</i></b> -- Oh dear, I hear this one so so so often. Not necessarily directed at me, but I still hear it all the time. If God is laughing at the pain and suffering I endure and have endured because we are not able to fulfill what we saw as an integral part of our vocation (and truly, what is a righteous and holy good), then I do not want to be friends with this God. I have desired a family for as long as I can remember -- and this only seems some sort of cruel irony if He is laughing at our situation and our plans. <b><i>"Just relax, stop worrying so much."</i></b> If I had a dollar for every time I heard this... Infertility is a real medical problem. I have Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome among other things. Kyle has his own set of male-factor IF issues as well. To be honest, sex has and does become tedious when you have to time things to perfectly and if you want to try again this month, you have this schedule of days to try on. I have clinical depression - I worry A LOT. But relaxing isn't going to solve my PCOS or Kyle's IF issues. <b><i>"Just enjoy this time (while you get to sleep in/have lots of sex/don't have to worry about children)."</i></b> I would gladly, in a heartbeat, trade in my sleeping in, scheduled sex, and lack of worrying about children (but instead worrying if my body is working right) for a passel of children. Infertility is not a mere inconvenience, it is a life-changing, plan-wrecking, soul-crushing cross. I have one final thing that pregnant women say sometimes that just needs to stop: <i><b>"God has found us fit to bless us with a child"/"Children are an heritage of the Lord, offspring a reward from Him" (Psalm 127)</b></i>. God is not a vending machine whom you put prayers and pious life into and get children (or other blessings) back. God is not one to be bargained with, and this is not about what is "fair." If we wanted to, we could subvert God's Church and use IVF and get our own child. If we had a child, people would probably stop giving us funny stares like we're such an evil couple because we're "obviously contracepting"... but IVF is not the answer. Our piety, in the form of being obedient to the teachings of the Church, is not being rewarded with a child. Because that's not how it works. Children are gifts to be cherished and loved -- but they are not rewards for good behavior. </div>
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Anyway, that's not the reason I started writing this post. I started writing this post because I have, after a long period of mourning, begun to find joy and purpose in this life. That doesn't mean I'm not still mourning, but it means that I have, in a way, turned the page with hope. I had so much hopelessness that our marriage would never be fruitful if we could not have children. So much of the Catholic blogosphere is focused on mommy blogs who devote their lives to their children... some to the point of calling out the childless in our modern culture for their enmity with God. Now, I'm sure they would not give me mean words if they knew our situation, but the general angst and meanness towards childless people is not the best way to evangelize, let me tell you. I do understand that the raising of little saints is the primary focus of your life and it should be -- but often these Catholics will denigrate the nature and purpose of work in the world as if it were to only exist for the sake of the children, the home. Perhaps, ultimately, that is so. <i>But if I can never have children, I must know that our marriage is not pointless and fruitless if Kyle and I were to devote ourselves to working in the world and showing the love of God to others through doing whatever we are called to do.</i> </div>
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I have a lot of angst about this -- I might never get to join you, Catholic mommy-bloggers, in your playdates and your book events. I might never get to participate in your mother's groups and mom's Bible studies. And somehow, I'm sure not intentionally, I was made to feel that by not being a mother, I was losing my worth. That my worth as wife, as a woman, as a person, was somehow cut drastically by my body's stupid inability to conceive.</div>
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Thankfully, I have a wonderful spiritual director who knows many things -- among them, especially, compassion and love for his spiritual wards. We've talked of spiritual motherhood, the value and fruitfulness of a faithful marriage, no matter how many children Kyle and I are able to have. And how the anger at God can be a raging prayer to lift up even in the darkness.</div>
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We talked about hope, and resignation all at the same time. We live with the expectation that we will never conceive... We live as though we will never have children. Yet we hope and pray for a miracle -- that someday, we will. Somehow, after so many months of feeling so hopeless and hopeful and despairing and wistful, I have come to a stability that is just a sort of meager peace and acceptance. I was living so long with the expectation that we would get pregnant -- it's why I didn't have a full-time job after we married. So I'm turning the page on that. I'm going to live with the practical expectation that we won't have children. And that starts now.</div>
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What does that mean? It means an unintentionally child-free life. Not the life we were hoping for, but the one that nature and God have allowed us. It means that I might start looking for full-time work in the pro-life movement --- or even better, I might try to get Life Matters Journal to the point where I can actually make some money doing what I love, but on a regular full-time schedule. It means that instead of looking for big houses in the country, we might be looking for smaller places in cities (so we can be close to people/interesting events/etc). It means that maybe we'll travel. And yes, it means that maybe at some point in the future (when my mental health is stable), we may start the adoption process if we can afford it. But honestly, I'm not holding out for it. I have a peace right now that I haven't had in more than a year, and I just want to take things a step at a time.</div>
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If you're the praying kind, please pray for us. You can pray for a miracle if you like -- but more than that, please pray for strength, endurance, perseverance, and faithfulness. We cannot walk this road alone.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15963766604020752251noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404587764424780706.post-73571180208790770432013-11-13T21:58:00.001-08:002013-11-13T21:58:23.590-08:00Adventures in EatingI had Pho today for the first time. I'd always heard of it (it's a Vietnamese soup) but never actually got it. Usually I'm a little skeptical of soup as a main course, but it was very filling and quite delicious.<br />
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Since going off to college I've been a fan of trying new food and new cuisines. When I was growing up I was a bit of a picky eater, not bad but not adventurous for the most part. During most of my childhood someone in my family was vegetarian. In my memory (which is probably flawed) it seems as though either my mother, my father, or my sister was vegetarian at any given time, but rarely all of them at the same time. When one member of the family is vegetarian generally the rest of the family eats that way (for simplicity of cooking), so growing up I didn't have much meat.<br />
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The meat I did have was almost always poultry. I don't remember having hamburger until I was in high school. In fact, I have a vivid memory of driving home from Youth Group or something at church and being a little hungry. I stopped at McDonald's and wondered what a burger would taste like, so I got one. I don't think I was too impressed at the time, might have had something to do with going to McDonald's. I'm also pretty certain I didn't have steak until college. I think the first time was at Applebees in Steubenville with my household, but I can't be certain. Now I definitely enjoy a good burger or steak.<br />
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That's the thing, once I was buying my own food I found that I was curious about lots of different foods. So many people are not interested in trying things they haven't had before. I have one friend who always orders something he's had before at a restaurant. The only time he really has to think about it is the first time he visits a restaurant. I have another friend who doesn't like "asian" food. That's the food that about half of the population of the world eats on a regular basis (maybe more, I'm not looking it up).<br />
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I understand, people have different tastes so I shouldn't judge. I myself have 3 things I don't like to eat: cucumbers, mushrooms, and raw tomatoes. But I can't imagine writing off an entire cuisine! There's just so much food out there to explore!<br />
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Something that occurs to me is that maybe people are putting too much stock in first impressions. When I was a kid I couldn't stand Chinese food, except Lo Mein. Every time my family got Chinese take-out I would get Lo Mein (or pizza sometimes if my parents were feeling indulgent). I remember going to a Chinese restaurant up in Cleveland and they didn't have Lo Mein, so I was forced to get something else. I ordered Moo Goo Gai Pan and ended up loving it. I think I had even tried Moo Goo Gai Pan before from the take-out place and didn't like it, but sometimes you need to try something again to determine if you really like it. The first time you might not like something just because it's not what you're expecting.<br />
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Another story: I always detested guacamole and avocados when I was younger. I just couldn't understand how my mom could eat that stuff (and yes, I tried it). When I was a Senior in college I went on a mission trip to Mexico. All of our meals were homemade by this wonderful Mexican lady who was quite the cook. They had homemade guacamole there and I gave it a try based on people's recommendations. It was amazing. It completely cured me of my dislike for guacamole and avocados. Maybe it was just that I was trying it a second time, maybe it was due to very fresh ingredients, maybe she just had an amazing recipe. I've never had guacamole quite as good as that since, but I do enjoy it now.<br />
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An ex-girlfriend introduced me to Ethiopian food in college, and it's now one of my favorite cuisines. A guy I was living with the summer before my senior year invited me to go get Thai food and I now love Thai food (and Thai iced tea, which is basically heaven in a glass). I like Chinese food, Mexican food, Italian food, German food, Irish food, English food, and good ol' American food. I want to try some more Japanese food, but sushi makes me sick (literally). I have had tempura and that was delicious. The wife actually made it. She loves to experiment with cooking different types of food.<br />
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Another way I like trying different food is trying different meats. I've had alligator sausage, tried a frog leg once, eaten elk sausage, and had a bison burger. I'm always on the look-out for opportunities to eat animals I haven't. In a way I think that makes me sound a bit like a psychopath. Ah well. Meats I would be interested in trying: hare, squirrel, snake, and horse. There are probably others I would try as well, but that's what comes to mind.<br />
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The point, if you choose to take one away from this, is: eat lots of different things. Try new foods! Experiment with new recipes! As they say, variety is the spice of life. Eat something exciting!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15963766604020752251noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404587764424780706.post-35389218489395285702013-11-10T22:09:00.002-08:002013-11-10T22:10:48.683-08:00The Marvel Cinematic UniverseI'm not a huge fan of comic books or anything, but I have occasionally enjoyed reading through some of them. Mostly the comics I've read have been from Marvel, most often the X-Men but some other stuff too. I never got much into DC, though I am a fan of Batman.<br />
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In recent years Marvel Studios (and various groups associated with them) have been releasing films as part of what they call the Marvel Cinematic Universe. The first film categorized in the Marvel Cinematic Universe was Iron Man back in 2008. Since then they've released seven other films, most recently Thor: The Dark World (which came out last weekend). I've been thoroughly impressed with the movies. I've enjoyed all of them at least reasonably, but what is more impressive is the way they are tying everything together into one universe.<br />
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One of the coolest things about comics in the DC or Marvel universes is how everything is connected and events that happen to one character or team can affect another character or team. That gives Marvel the ability to do overarching story lines. One good example that I loved in recent years was the Civil War story line which ran in Marvel comics from 2006-2007. I would love to see Marvel be able to do some sort of story line like that in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. In fact, the Civil War story line would be awesome in film! I actually have some hope after watching the trailer for Captain America 2 that they will be using a lot of the same themes.<br />
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As a side note, the X-Men are definitely my favorite team in the Marvel universe, but Marvel Studios does not have the rights to the X-Men. That being said, the X-Men movies are excellent as well (even X-3), though I haven't seen the Wolverine movie. I'm very much looking forward to X-Men: Days of Future Past as well, which is going to tie together the original trilogy with the recent X-Men: First Class.<br />
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Here are some of my thoughts on each of the Marvel Cinematic Universe films, in order of my least favorite to favorite. Some small spoilers may be present, nothing too big.<br />
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8. Captain America: The First Avenger<br />
The Captain America movie was the last film before The Avengers, and it almost feels as if they were just making the movie so they didn't have to introduce Cap in The Avengers. Most of the movie is set in WWII, but they soon forget about the whole "World War" thing and focus on a small team that is set against a big baddie who one could call a NINO (Nazi in Name Only). I really think the movie would have made more sense had they kept the focus on the Nazis as the bad guys. Also, Captain America is not that interesting to me. The most interesting thing about him is the fact that he gets thrown into modern-day America after fighting a war in the '40s. The whole fish-out-of-water thing really works for him and I liked him a lot better in The Avengers when they could show that. Also, the trailer for Captain America: The Winter Soldier looks really excellent. It'll be the next Marvel Cinematic Universe film coming out, in April of next year.<br />
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7. The Incredible Hulk<br />
Oh the Hulk. The problem with the Hulk is that he is not interesting. Bruce Banner is interesting! The Hulk... not so much. The Hulk is invincible. He cannot be killed except by some sort of semi-omnipotent being (or the many theories of launching him into the sun or something). Superheroes need weaknesses to be interesting. Also, superheroes need personality to be interesting. The Hulk does not have personality beyond a desire to smash things. Because of this, any movie about the Hulk is only interesting when he's not in Hulk form. The Incredible Hulk actually did a very nice job of making me care about Bruce Banner (played by Ed Norton in this film, not Mark Ruffalo). In the end though, you can't make a movie about someone trying not to get angry or excited. I actually do think the Hulk was handled better here than in The Avengers (where he consciously decided to become the Hulk at one point). In the end though, the Hulk doesn't work as a protagonist. I don't even think he works well as a member of an ensemble. Where the Hulk shines is as an antagonist. Maybe we could see that develop in later movies, we'll see.<br />
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6. Thor<br />
Thor was a good movie, but not a great one. Thor isn't all that interesting of a character to me in general. I think he's interesting in Asgard (or one of the other realms except Midgard), he's just a little out of place on Earth. I know, that's the whole point, but it just feels a little off to me. The movie did a very good job of introduction with everyone, but the execution just wasn't that great. The sequence of events on Earth could've happened anywhere, it basically just happened to be on Earth. All in all, a nice set-up but a lackluster execution.<br />
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5. Iron Man 2<br />
4. Iron Man<br />
3. Iron Man 3<br />
I feel like I should talk about all three of these at the same time. The first Iron Man was groundbreaking. At the time it was the best superhero movie ever made (eclipsed later that same year by The Dark Knight). See, Iron Man is interesting. He (as a hero) is defeatable. There are many different ways he can be beaten, but he can also use both intelligence and the physical power of his suit to overcome obstacles. As a man, Tony Stark is also very interesting. He is clearly flawed in many ways. Over the course of the three movies he goes through some very compelling character development. The third movie in particular has some very humanizing parts (in particular his anxiety attacks). That and the fact that it has the best villain of the three (and the best climax) gives it the edge over the other two.<br />
The original Iron Man was an excellent origin story. The parts in the cave and the break-out are awesome, as is just the whole concept of Jarvis and developing the suit. The final showdown is a little standard, not bad but not great. It certainly does end with a great line that really sets Iron Man apart from many superheroes. Iron Man 2 was good, but it did too many things that they had already done in the first movie. The villain was just another guy in a suit, and they had already done that in the first one. There certainly were some interesting things (like the Expo), but it just isn't as good when compared to the other two movies.<br />
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2. Thor: The Dark World<br />
Thor 2 was awesome. I realize it just came out so I won't spoil anything. I saw it last Thursday evening and it reminded me how awesome these Marvel movies are in general. In fact, that's what led the wife and I to borrow Iron Man 3 and watch it (since we somehow didn't go see it in theaters). Thor 2 was able to build very well on all the characters from the original. Not needing to do exposition on the characters and on Asgard itself left plenty of time for actual character development (not just introduction, which is most of what we saw in the first Thor). In addition, earth was actually important in this movie, and what the human characters did had meaning and repercussion! Great characters, good action, and great humor. Go see it if you haven't, though make sure you've seen Thor first (and The Avengers).<br />
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1. The Avengers<br />
The Avengers is what the first five Marvel Cinematic Universe movies were leading up to, and man did they deliver. Again, because it wasn't an introduction of any characters (maybe Hawkeye a little, but he was in Thor briefly) they were able to go straight into the meat of the story. Character development just pours off of the screen when you have all of these larger-than-life characters interacting. The final battle is simply epic. Great characters, great drama (Agent Coulson for example), a great villain, great humor, and great action make this simply a great movie. This is the kind of thing that until this movie people would think could only be done in a comic book.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15963766604020752251noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404587764424780706.post-44392094143697454552013-11-06T21:38:00.000-08:002013-11-06T21:38:44.497-08:00Guestpost for No Fear November: Addressing some Concerns, and "How Casual Dating Saved My Emotional Health" by Aimee Murphy<br />
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<b>Hi all! I'm Aimee Murphy (Kyle's wife) and a collaborator on the NFN team. </b>I have to address some comments and concerns that have been blowing up my FB notification feed and I wanted to tell a story at the end about "How Casual Dating Saved My Emotional Health". To begin with, the concerns...</div>
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<li><b>No Fear November is an awareness campaign</b> -- that means, like with how October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month and April is Sexual Violence and Assault Awareness Month <b><i>we don't suddenly STOP caring about the issue during the rest of the year</i></b>. The dating culture here at FUS has problems. Loads of 'em -- and this is a fact, not opinion. And the culture needs more help than one month of "I dare you to ask out more women" (which is NOT what NFN is) -- we hope to change the culture for good. I came from a secular private university that had it's own slough of dating problems (some much the same, but a lot more hooking up with drunk sexual interactions and rape), and a Newman Center that had almost all of the same issues as here at FUS. I recognize them because I've been there and done that and bought the T-shirt.<br /><br />For example, though: how many of you can honestly say that you know someone who has held hands, kissed, made out, (or even had sex) with an FUS peer without first having a serious conversation about commitment, trust, and knowing the other person well? I can count probably a handful that I know of, and I'm sure I know more people who haven't told me. This is a problem with the dating culture here.<br /><br />And then: how many of you can honestly say that you have gossiped about two people who are hanging out together (whether one-on-one or in a group setting), or over-emphasized (whether behind their backs or to their faces) the simple spending time together of two opposite-sex friends? If we change the way that relationships begin from hookups and "it just happened" to instead make boyfriend/girlfriend relationships based on trust and candor and openness about intentions from the very start, then we'll have (I would posit and attest to with my own experience) less heartbreak and more maturity.<br /><br />How about another? How many of you can honestly say that you know a couple who spend more than 3 hours/day OR 21 hrs/week together? I know a whole slough. Let me put that in perspective for you -- on an average Monday, I get to see my husband for about 3 hours, spread out over the course of the day. I would posit that the typical Franny couple spends more time together than my husband and I do in an average week. That much time together isn't healthy -- and it's the perfect breeding ground for terrible heartbreak and ruined social lives.<br /><br />The fact is, there are more problems than this and they make dating here an awful mess.<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://i1.ytimg.com/vi/BxurOz4lbb8/hqdefault.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="http://i1.ytimg.com/vi/BxurOz4lbb8/hqdefault.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a><br /></li>
<li>This month-long awareness program is based on many different sources on (Christian/Catholic) dating in the modern age, but one of my favorites has been <b>Kerry Cronin, a professor of philosophy at Boston College</b> who has a lot of experience and coursework to back up her ideas of proper dating principles. (<a href="http://www.uscatholic.org/life/2012/07/save-date-kerry-cronin-love-lives-college-students">http://www.uscatholic.org/life/2012/07/save-date-kerry-cronin-love-lives-college-students</a>)<br /><br /></li>
<li><b>The term "dating" has historically meant "going on dates"<i> to get to know each other.</i></b> Example given: my mother, a strong practicing Catholic, was dating a small handful of men before she and my father decided to become exclusive. This practice allows for both men and women to learn more about new people, get to know others in a low-pressure environment (where nobody is responsible for the emotional well-being of the other), and even learn what you like and what you don't in a potential mate without any sort of confusing intimacy or confused intentions. This form of dating is NOT however, just "friends hanging out" -- there is a legitimate and honest intention (which should be made clear) when asking out on a date to get to know someone better for the purpose of maybe in the future pursuing a romantic relationship. This is lightyears different from the typical hangout culture here on campus where friends of the opposite sex hang out together (perhaps one-on-one) and are talked about in the halls, amongst friends, and perhaps one of them is interested in a future romantic relationship and getting to know the other better through hanging out, while the other is just genuinely interested in a platonic friendship. This is NOT healthy. I've been there and done that in my own Catholic circles when I was in undergrad at a secular school. Franciscan isn't the only place with this tired social script. I broke hearts, had my heart broken, and ruined perfectly good friendships all because honesty and intentions were not clear. Somehow, "hooking up" without talking about what the relationship means first (whether that be just holding hands, or kissing/making out, or even going so far as sex) has become the easier route because actually discussing trust and long-term commitment are terrifying to us. I couldn't tell you 100% why (though I'm sure Kerry Cronin would have many spot-on things to say), but it needs to stop!<br /><br /></li>
<li><b>If no one ended up in a relationship by December</b> (or whenever, because this is just an awareness campaign, not the end of the principles), that's not bad, and <b><i>the campaign will not have been a failure for it</i></b>. Many of the students make it sound like ResLife wants to see couples all over the place by December 1 and that is just not true. The whole point is to change the dating culture as a whole for the sake of the emotional health of the student body, not to get couples together or produce happy Franny families. If couples get together due to following these dating principles, then good on them, I hope they act prudently and with continued honesty and candor. If people don't pair off, but have learned something about their emotional boundaries, the time it takes to get to know someone, and the way that dating can be an emotionally healthy experience without loads of commitment from the get-go, then we've accomplished our goal.<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://i1.sndcdn.com/artworks-000007197592-7tz4uh-original.jpg?3eddc42" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="http://i1.sndcdn.com/artworks-000007197592-7tz4uh-original.jpg?3eddc42" height="320" width="320" /></a><br /></li>
<li><b>Asking women out on dates is <i>NOT a joke, or a competition, or an opportunity to humiliate</i> someone.</b> Men, this is not an excuse to be disrespectful jerks to women.Women, this is not a competition to see who is the most attractive to the men on campus and can "win" the most dates.<br /><br />I've already heard of a few instances of men just asking out as many women as possible, or asking out a girl who doesn't even know his name in public as an act of humiliation, or asking out ladies with no intention of actually getting to know her. Don't be a disrespectful jerk to women, ever. But our work in trying to change campus dating culture is not an excuse to use bad manners or treat women as objects or prizes to be won. <i>They, as fellow human beings, deserve better than that.</i><br /><br />Likewise, ladies, taking a tally to see who is "winning" No Fear November treats yourself as objects and prizes to be won. It disregards your own dignity and value. <i>You deserve better than that.</i><br /><br /></li>
<li><b>Ladies are <i>NOT required</i> to say yes to a date.</b> I don't know how many times this can be said before it's believed. The principles of NFN state that women are encouraged to say yes to dates, unless they have good reason not to say yes. The fact that many hyperanxious????? students are neglecting is of course that there is quite literally ZERO accountability here. The RD's aren't going to mark off on their rosters who has and has not gone on a date and whether they had a good reason to turn down a date if they did and then proceed to fine people. They aren't going to do anything to punish anyone who doesn't participate. NFN is NOT taking away anyone's free will. The whole point of this whole campaign, though, is not to force women to do anything, it is to change the existing culture of dating here at Franciscan FOR GOOD. That involves women and men being more open to dating as a process of getting-to-know-you, instead of this automatically romantically-charged rite.<br /><br /></li>
<li><b><i>Women</i>, if they really want, <i>CAN ask men on dates!</i></b> It's not immoral or a sin for a woman to ask a man on a date any more than it is for a man to ask a woman. The existing paradigm here at FUS is of the TOB "Man-Active, Women-Receptive" strict viewpoint (at least for the most part); I don't think that means that women can't ask men on getting-to-know-you dates, but the principle, regardless, is for both sexes to be more open to simply spending dedicated time getting to know others through casual dates. It would follow, of course, that if a lady asks a gent, that she should pay for the date (as a way to show care and concern for the gent asked) and come up with the activities, etc. Gents would then be highly encouraged to say yes to a date, except if they have good reason to say no. Like the advice given to the ladies: only say yes if you feel safe, PLEASE! Your right to bodily safety is more important than the other party's privilege to a date/getting to know you.<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://media.tumblr.com/09fadf4c6253b408d1d53ff6297f9c6a/tumblr_inline_mvt1jpq77j1rmng2j.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="http://media.tumblr.com/09fadf4c6253b408d1d53ff6297f9c6a/tumblr_inline_mvt1jpq77j1rmng2j.gif" height="204" width="320" /></a><br /></li>
<li>Whether you're a lady or a gent asking someone on a date,<b><i> BE CRYSTAL CLEAR</i> about your intentions</b>. It's happened to me so often (including from my now-husband on our then first date), "You want to get food/dinner/coffee?" Asking a lady to coffee can be ambiguous if you've been just plain platonic friends for a while, and ladies asking gents can be even more ambiguous (just because it doesn't happen very often). Be honest and open: "Would you like to go on a dinner date with me on Wednesday?" or "I'd like to get to know you better, how about a coffee date this Thursday?" Just let the askee know it's a date, so you're clear about intentions and you won't have confusion!<br /><br /></li>
<li><b>Telling someone you don't want to go on a future date <i>SHOULD NOT BE HEARTBREAKING</i></b>. If all you're doing is going on dates to get to know each other better (for the sake of maybe deciding whether you'd like to form a romantic relationship after some time), then telling someone that you're not interested in future dates, but you've had a lovely time and you wish them the best should be a fairly simple walk in the park (though perhaps wrought with nerves, because if you haven't done it before that kind of candor might not come naturally). Not to mention, if it is heartbreaking, you've probably invested too much of your heart in that single person and on a few getting-to-know-you dates, which is against everything we're advising.</li>
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<b><b>And now I'm going to tell you a story of how casual dating <i>saved my emotional health</i> and my future relationships (and made my marriage)</b>. For privacy's sake, I've changed a few names in the story.</b><div>
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I was 20. I'd had 13 boyfriends since I was 13 years old and I'd made mistakes with all of them. Boyfriend, of course, meaning that we were exclusive. But also, really, meaning that I was inseparable with the guy at school and we spent hours upon hours on the phone having extended conversations about not much of anything when we were at home. There was this ongoing social script at my middle school, high school, university, that if you were in an exclusive relationship you were pretty much pseudo-married. The 3 weeks you'd spent together (all the while holding hands and passing notes and racking up your parents' phone bill) meant forever, and goshdarnit, you were going to stick it through.<br /><br /><a href="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lz1sbjHYJB1qfccvpo1_500.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lz1sbjHYJB1qfccvpo1_500.gif" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
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So it meant that every single breakup meant immense anguish. Heartbreak that made Juliet seem melodramatic. Because, goshdarnit, we'd said forever. Whether it was Alvin (my first boyfriend, with whom I held hands for the first time at 13 and broke up some 7 months later), or Trevor (with whom I had my first kiss at 14), Nate (with whom I was on-again, off-again for a year and a half and had sex with at 15), or Kevin (whom I dated when I was 17 for 8 months and told him we couldn't kiss anymore because I was trying to regain my sense of propriety and chastity and he just wouldn't listen...), or Rich (whom I loved dearly and only held hands with at the ripe old age of 19)... All of us read from the same social script that said we had to promise each other forever only a few weeks or months in to the relationship, and because we were pretty much set on the future -- why did physical boundaries matter at all? Into college, usually students in the secular world take the physical shtick and leave the emotional commitment behind; but at my Newman Center and even here at Franciscan, it's either pseudo-marriage that promises forever, or people don't want to talk about the commitment at all and get involved physically without reverence for chastity and the dignity of the other person. But I was 20 and I was so done with that. After looking back at what I'd done (look at your LIFE, look at your CHOICES), I didn't want to promise forever after a couple dates. I didn't want to have a hookup that led to an awkward DTR down the road. I had problems trusting men, period, and I was just ready to take things slow and easy and not get commitment-heavy so darn suddenly.</div>
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And a friend of mine, Sean, asked me out on a date. He asked me if I "want[ed] to get dinner on Tuesday." Because we were friends and executive board members of the Newman Club, I thought maybe he was just suggesting dinner with some of the NC people. I accepted, but I asked him a day or two later what his intentions were for dinner and he replied happily, "Oh! It's a date." And I smiled and was pleased. I honestly didn't know if I'd ever been asked out on a date with no strings attached or relationship commitment preexisting. And it was amazing - he suggested an Indian food place around the corner from the Newman Center and we walked down together, ate, had a good (albeit awkward, because I'm terribly awkward) conversation about our families, how we ended up at the same university, hobbies and interests, etc. Afterwards, he walked me back to my dorm (which was a good half-mile), and we talked and walked and just enjoyed each other's company: no hand-holding, no arm-in-arm stuff. We went on another date after Christmas break and I was honest with him that I wasn't sure where God was leading me with my vocation (I was pretty seriously praying about and looking into the Sisters of Life), and that though we were free to go on dates, I would prefer not to get into a serious relationship until I knew I was called to marriage. So we did, we did more dinner dates, ice skating, dinner-in-the-dorm apartment (that was cheaper than dinner out!) while studying for a shared course we had together. But all of these events were clearly marked as dates. We were trying to get to know each other better without the emotional commitment of a serious relationship. Without having to bear the burden's of the other's heart. </div>
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After three months of going on dates fairly sporadically, we sat down and talked about intentions to continue the relationship to the next level of dating or to just remain friends and cease the dates. I told him that I felt called to marriage, I desired it. He then announced that he was going to pursue the priesthood as he felt the Lord calling him to it. I jumped for joy and I still, to this day, am so thrilled for him. There were no hurt feelings whatsoever, and we both came out of it with a friend and our hearts still intact. I pray for him often, and I'm honestly glad that I could be a part of his discernment process. But we never led each other on -- we never crossed lines of physical or emotional intimacy. The whole process of casual dating is meant to work this way, to encourage knowledge of the other before commitment and loving. Otherwise, we fall in love with the idea of love, and our hearts break not for losing the other, but for losing the affection and the "in love" feeling and the time spent. When we invest our whole selves in a person without first building a foundation of trust through knowledge, our world can fall apart in an instant with a breakup.</div>
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Of course, there's an even happier ending to the casual dating life I gladly encountered in my final years as an undergraduate student. Only a few days after the joyous DTR with Sean, Kyle asked me on our first date. He did commit one of the "casual dating sins" by not being crystal clear about his intentions at first (he asked me if I "want[ed] to go get food"), but by the end of our first date I knew that his purpose in asking was to get to know me better. Because of the newfound knowledge I had of casual dating from my experience with Sean, I approached dating with Kyle in the same fashion: he was not my boyfriend, nor I his girlfriend, until we made that specific commitment to be exclusive. In addition, despite the fact that I was convinced that "we [are] too different, it will never work," and that I did not find him physically attractive at first, I was willing to just learn more about him and have a few good meals filled with (hopefully) good conversation.We went on dates for roughly 2 weeks before he asked me to be his girlfriend, and we moved forward from there. But during the point while we were dating, I was still trying to figure out whether I liked him or not, whether I could trust him, how well our personalities meshed just for a shot at a more serious relationship. And when we moved on to "going steady"/being exclusive, I then worked even more on the questions of trust and "do I want to be in this long-term?" After being his girlfriend for a few months, I still knew that if we broke up, I wouldn't be immensely heartbroken (though I would be sad), and we would likely still be friends. It gave me comfort to know that, and for going through the trouble of that whole process (and being willing to put up with my "no-kissing-til-engagement" rule) I trusted him a lot. I knew that Kyle was interested in getting to know me, in learning about who I was, and in learning what it meant to love me (though love at the beginning of a relationship is VERY different from love at the time of engagement or marriage). And it's been beautiful ever since.<div>
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If you have questions for me (Aimee Murphy), please send them to the <b><a href="mailto:nofearnovember@gmail.com">nofearnovember@gmail.com</a></b> address, and Kyle will pass them on to me. Grazie!<br /><br />(If you have questions for the NFN team, send them via our<a href="http://nofearnovember.tumblr.com/ask" target="_blank"> tumblr askbox</a> or the email address above!)</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15963766604020752251noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404587764424780706.post-78356260565998155632013-11-05T22:53:00.007-08:002013-11-06T08:11:43.829-08:00No Fear November part 3I have a few mini-blogs to roll into one regarding a few things that have come up regarding No Fear November. The first topic is to address one of the typical critical responses I have heard, which is kind of interesting: it's this strange disconnect where people acknowledge that there is a problem on campus and then say we shouldn't be trying to artificially change the culture. Here's the thing: how do you think campus culture develops? Do you think that college students naturally gravitate towards that which is good, that which is virtuous? Do you think the students at Franciscan University, if left to their own devices, will fix a problem in the culture on campus?<br />
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If you do, I have a bridge in Brooklyn I'd like to sell you.<br />
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People don't like thinking about the fact that our campus culture did not naturally develop and is not naturally sustained. A lot of people enjoy the sausage but they don't want to know how it's made. There is a now-legendary story of how Father Michael Scanlan came to the University and made some radical changes as its president to create a better campus community focused on life together in Christ. Now, do you think that since households were developed and Father Michael brought the Charismatic movement to campus that the culture has been the same since? I don't think anyone would claim the culture is the same. In fact, culture on campus always has a myriad of forces influencing it, some internal and some external. Residence Life (and Student Life in general) is a major force affecting campus culture. We don't just occasionally affect campus culture, it is our <i>job</i> to influence campus culture on a daily basis. Just because you don't see how that happens doesn't mean that it doesn't happen.<br />
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The No Fear November initiative is one of the more public ways that ResLife is affecting campus culture. Is it wrong of us to affect campus culture? If we were not affecting campus culture as much as we do, I think Franciscan University would look a lot less like how we know it today. A culture determined and influenced only by college students does not look like Franciscan University. I know the argument people would make against this, that our students are different or better or more virtuous. Our students are wonderful and I love them immensely, but they need a lot of help in living virtuous lives and growing in maturity.<br />
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Next, a question from our ask box on tumblr:<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', HelveticaNeue, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14.399999618530273px; line-height: 15.199999809265137px;">Practically speaking, what changes in the dynamic of a relationship if you are going steady? What does the exclusivity mean? Does that mean you continue to go on dates at a similar pace as before (say you've been on 3 dates in a month's time) and you continue to spend time in group settings? Or does it mean more than that? Do you text more, or hold hands across campus, or spend more time in general together? I understand all the pre-going steady principles, but not the going steady practicals.</span></blockquote>
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Excellent question! I prefer the term exclusive to "going steady", I just feel like it is more clear. If you are exclusive with someone then that means that neither of you is going on dates with other people. Like I mentioned in an earlier post, if you are exclusive with someone that would constitute being the other's boyfriend or girlfriend. You should certainly continue going on dates at this point, but the dates could be longer and more involved. Kerry Cronin from Boston College (who we take a lot of our material from) would call this "Stage 2 Dating." In the initial dates we recommend no more than 90 minutes during the day. When you are exclusive with someone you could go on a date for several hours, and evening becomes more appropriate (though I would still caution you to use prudence as to how late you are seeing each other).<br />
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Dates could also be things more like a movie or an opera (I love opera dates) that actually require going somewhere not too close to campus and spending more time together. Group settings are fine of course. As regards texting more, I personally am not a fan of texting and do not recommend it for much communication in a relationship. As regards holding hands, I would think that would be appropriate. Kissing may be appropriate depending on the relationship and how each person feels about it. Intense kissing or making-out is NOT appropriate at this stage.<br />
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As for spending time together, the temptation at this stage is usually to spend way too much time together. You should not spend time together every day at this point. You should not be involved in every aspect of each other's lives. It is okay to go a day without talking to each other. At this point it is clear that each person is romantically interested in the other person. That's great, but that shouldn't mean that your entire life now revolves around the other person. You need to maintain your own friendships and your own life. A lot of times a relationship at this stage will not end in marriage (though that is always a possibility). If you are totally involved in each other's lives every day in every way, your world will fall apart if you break up. You need to guard your heart better than that. Getting to know each other better and falling for each other is great, but not at the expense of everything else.<br />
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And lastly, I was talking to a resident of mine this evening and he mentioned to me that he didn't agree with No Fear November. I asked him what he thought No Fear November was. He told me that he had heard that it meant that women can't say "no" when guys ask them on dates. This was not the first time I'd heard that explanation. I told him that was absolutely false and then explained the truth of No Fear November, at which point he said it made sense.<br />
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We started No Fear November with some advertising at the end of October that basically teased the title without telling people exactly what it was (stuff like "life as you know it will change" and such). I think it did work insofar as it got people on campus talking about it. They say all press is good press. The downside is that the prevailing idea people seemed to grasp (before hearing what it actually was) was this terrible and false notion that women can't say "no" to a guy who asks them on a date. That idea would give women no agency, no ability to choose what is right for them. People who heard that idea were naturally and rightfully concerned at its seeming support of "rape culture." I would just like to take this opportunity to assure people that we do not in any way support that idea. No Fear November was developed by a team that includes a feminist (who's not just self-proclaimed) and is run and further developed by a team that included six other women. We are most certainly pro-woman and anti-rape.<br />
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I'm a little sad that those two previous paragraphs had to be said, but such is life in a fallen culture.<br />
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If you have a question for the No Fear November team feel free to e-mail nofearnovember@gmail.com or submit a question to the "askbox" on our website (nofearnovember.tumblr.com/ask), and we should get a response back to you from there.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15963766604020752251noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404587764424780706.post-45932139215933428752013-11-03T20:20:00.000-08:002013-11-04T08:45:18.707-08:00No Fear November part 2If you missed part 1 it is <a href="http://kyletmurphy.blogspot.com/2013/10/no-fear-november.html" target="_blank">here</a>. If you have yet to visit the website, start <a href="http://nofearnovember.tumblr.com/principles" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
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So to start off with we received a question I'd like to address through the No Fear November e-mail address (nofearnovember@gmail.com):<br />
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I've been asked why women aren't encouraged to ask out men during No Fear November. Can you guys give some rationale to why that is?</div>
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Thanks!</div>
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First, if anyone else would like to submit a question via e-mail, please feel free.<br />
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On to the question, which is a very interesting one. The fact is, campus culture at FUS takes a generally very traditional view of gender roles. One of those traditional views is that men should be proactive and women should be reactive; the man should lead in a relationship, the woman should follow. My own views on the subject are different, but that will have to be an entire blog post in and of itself. When it comes to No Fear November in particular, we are not encouraging women to ask out men. We certainly are not forbidding it or even discouraging it, but No Fear November is not designed in itself to encourage women to ask out men.<br />
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One reason we are not encouraging women to ask out men is because to do so would add to the controversy of No Fear November. Our goal is not to create controversy (though there certainly is some), our goal is to create a much-needed shift in the existing dating culture. I would suggest that creating additional controversy may actually muddy the message and turn off some people who would otherwise be interested.<br />
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When it comes to my personal views, I see no reason why women cannot ask out men, at least on these initial dates. Of course, if a woman asks and the guy says yes, the woman should pay for the date. Basically, apply the same principles to the date but reverse the stated gender roles. Note that this is just my standpoint, not the official No Fear November standpoint.<br />
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I had a conversation with a woman on campus a couple of days ago about No Fear November. She expressed concern that she felt like she was compelled to say "yes" to a man if he asked her on a date. In talking with her further I learned that for personal reasons she had decided that she wanted to take some time off from dating. This is a perfect example of a good reason to say "no" to a man. I did not expand upon it in my first post, but I would consider this to fall under the category of a dating fast (even though she probably wouldn't use that phrase to describe her decision).<br />
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Let me re-state again that women are highly encouraged to say "yes" to a man that asks them on a date UNLESS they have a good reason not to (note that: to encourage is <i>not</i> to force). If they do have a good reason not to, then they should absolutely say "no" to the man. It would be imprudent and unfair to the man to say "yes" to him if they have a good reason to say "no." Furthermore, men, if a woman says "no" to going on a date with you, please do not pester her for a date. She has her reasons for saying "no" and you should accept (like a gentleman) that they are good reasons. She does not owe you an explanation as to why she will not go on a date with you. You should respect her "no." To do otherwise is the first step toward stalking.<br />
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What's next? What happens if you go on a date and it's great? Well, the man should ask the woman out again. A second or third date could be just as simple as the first date, or it could be something that involves a little more time. Group dates are a possibility, though I would caution you that it's harder to get to know someone when you're spending time in a group.<br />
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After multiple dates the man may ask the woman to be exclusive with him. If she agrees this clearly marks the beginning of an actual relationship. She is (of course) under no obligation to agree. Exclusivity of course means not going on dates with other people. At this point it would be appropriate to introduce the other as your girlfriend or boyfriend. You could make it facebook-official if you're into showing everyone and their mother everything that's going on in your life.<br />
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Becoming an official couple is an important step that you should put some though into, but people at FUS make it seem much more important than it is. New couples should NOT be spending all of their time together. That's very unhealthy for the relationship and for each of them. There is a healthy progression to the development of a relationship, and the progression does not go from "not dating" to "inseparable". In a different post I'll talk more about new relationships and the healthy development of a relationship. For now, one last point. If a man asks a woman to be exclusive and she says "no", he may decide whether to continue to ask her on dates. Of course, if she then says "no" to going on a date he should not pester her for a date.<br />
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I'm very interested to know people's thoughts on No Fear November, feel free to share in the comments below. I will most likely not be responding to comments on these blog posts, but I will be reading all of them. If you have a question for the No Fear November team feel free to e-mail nofearnovember@gmail.com or submit a question to the "askbox" on our website (<a href="http://nofearnovember.tumblr.com/ask">nofearnovember.tumblr.com/ask</a>), and we should get a response back to you from there.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15963766604020752251noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404587764424780706.post-67434802294514830132013-10-31T22:31:00.001-07:002013-10-31T22:31:46.620-07:00No Fear NovemberHere at Franciscan, my colleagues and I are instituting a month-long program called "No Fear November."<br />
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The dating culture here at Franciscan isn't good. The way that people start dating is they start hanging out with each other on a regular basis. After they've been hanging out for a few weeks they have a "dtr" (define the relationship talk) in which they decide whether they're a couple. The thing with this is, it leads to a lot of confusion. Oftentimes the people who are "just hanging out" are not on the same page as to whether or not there is commitment in their relationship. Plenty of times it also leads to a couple getting physical without actually having a real commitment. People talk about the "hook-up culture", well we have it here on campus at FUS as well. The only thing is, the majority of our hook-ups are mostly people just making out (though we certainly have a decent amount of actual hook-ups).<br />
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Due to all of that, we're trying something new. Or old, depending on how you look at it. During the month of November we are trying to encourage actual dating, and not just dating itself but a more healthy approach to relationships in general.<br />
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Here's the deal: during the month of November, men are highly encouraged to ask women on dates. They should ask someone that they are actually interested in getting to know better, not just someone they already know who it's easy to ask. Women are highly encouraged to say "yes" unless they have a good reason not to. Good reasons to say "no" include: they're already in a relationship, they're in a dating fast, they're planning on entering the convent, the guy creeps them out. Bad reasons to say "no" include: fear of what the date might mean, they're too busy (you almost always can do just a half-hour coffee date), they don't want to "lead him on", they're not physically attracted to the man, they'd like to go out with another guy. The no-fear part applies to both the men and women, men often are scared to ask a women on a date and women are often scared to go on a date. That ain't right.<br />
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Men may ask multiple women on dates, women may say "yes" if multiple men ask them on dates. The thing is, people think there is all this commitment in going on a date. All you're committing to is going on a date! Just because you go on a date with someone does not mean you're going to wind up in the burial plot next to them. In fact, statistically the chances of you actually winding up with someone you go on a date with are not that great.<br />
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The man is expected to pay for the date if payment is required. On her part, the woman does not "owe" the man anything just because he's paying for a date. Many times in our culture a man expects some sort of physical reward for paying for a date with a woman. That's what we call prostitution. On a date with a non-psychotic person, the man is enjoying the woman's company and offering her the enjoyment of his company. The fact that the man pays is traditional and only makes sense if he is the one asking the woman on a date. In a non-traditional setting where the woman asks the man on a date it only makes sense that the woman would pay.<br />
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The first date should be of an appropriate length with appropriate activities. 60-90 minutes is recommended. That may seem short to most people, but the idea is that if the guy keeps talking to the girl for more than 90 minutes his chances of saying something stupid or tanking in some other way rise exponentially. If after a 90-minute date you still want to keep talking to the girl, that's great. If the conversation is going so well, you can definitely ask for a second date when your 90 minutes are up and you walk her back to her dorm or wherever. I also highly recommend going during the daytime or early evening. Coffee, lunch, or dinner are the traditional things. If you're going for coffee don't go to Jazzman's, at least walk down to Sandella's. If you're going for dinner don't go too far, otherwise you'll wast all of your 90 minutes in the car (rookie mistake).<br />
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A few more things for first dates: physical affection is highly discouraged on the first date. The hug goodbye is a subject of much debate, I personally think it depends on the people (though understand that when I say hug goodbye I don't mean smashing your bodies together in a mass of writhing arms where you just happen to be clothed). Also, let me say something to the ladies. When your female friend is asked on a date do NOT freak out on her. You can be excited, but when you make it seem like it's the biggest most awesome thing in the world that this totally cute boy asked her out and they're definitely going to get married and spend forever together oh my gosh I can't believe it... you're not doing them any favors. You know what I mean.<br />
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Expect several more blog posts over the course of the month on this topic. I definitely will be going into how an actual relationship should develop in this model. Feel free to leave a question or comment!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15963766604020752251noreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404587764424780706.post-83261189607534620152013-10-28T22:04:00.001-07:002013-10-28T22:04:50.852-07:00Second job?I had an interview today for a second job. It was really more of a meeting than an interview, it was with H&R Block who I worked for last Spring. They wanted me to come back this next tax season and I wasn't quite sure whether or not I wanted to. After my interview I was positive whether I wanted to come back, and quite excited about the answer!<br />
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The answer is no.<br />
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I will not be working a second job for H&R Block come January, and I couldn't be happier about it.<br />
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There are several reasons why. One of them is that I just want to spend more time with my wife and the other people in my life that mean a lot to me. Working two jobs would mean not a lot of quality time, and I love me some quality time. I'd always heard about those people who are workaholics and never spend time with their families, but my experience last year helped me understand them. The thing is, extra money is nice. Very nice in fact. But is extra money better than spending time with people you love? Heck no.<br />
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Another reason is so I can focus more on my job search. I've already posted about it, but I get my MBA in December and I'm going to start looking for a job hardcore come January. They say that looking for a job is a job in and of itself, and had I started a second job I would have a lot less time to spend looking. I'm excited to actually devote some real time to job searching.<br />
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I feel like I don't devote enough time to my current job as it is. Being an RD means only a little scheduled work time and a lot of unscheduled work and just spending time with people. Last year when I was working two jobs (and taking grad classes) I think I fell behind and didn't do the best job I could.<br />
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Spending time in a branch office today during my interview really reminded me what being in a tax office is like, and what H&R Block is like as a company. Don't get me wrong, there were some very good things about working for them. The people I worked with were great and we had some good times. The problems came more from the corporate side of things and just serving the public in an office like that. I like people, but I don't like having to sell things to people. I had plenty of that in my time in retail, and I ain't going back. I really don't appreciate how H&R Block sells additional products to their customers. A lot of the little commissions you make come from selling unnecessary financial products to people who shouldn't be buying them, and I refuse to do that.<br />
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Also on the corporate side of things, I dislike their compensation policies. I like to spend time thinking and talking about incentive management, and H&R Block does not do it well. They have a bonus available based on commissions, but it's a replacement commission type thing. You make an hourly wage but have the ability to "bonus" at the end of the tax season. The thing is, the bonus is just the difference between your hourly wage and the amount you would have made had you been straight commission. Therefore if you don't make enough commissions to exceed your standard wages you don't get any of them, and if you do make enough commissions to exceed your standard wages it doesn't matter how many hours you worked. Personally that makes me less motivated to both earn commissions AND work more hours. Maybe it works the opposite way for some people, but if there's a chance that I won't actually get the commissions I earn, I'm not going to feel super motivated to earn them.<br />
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All in all I just feel like a huge load has been lifted. My schedule over the next couple of months has lightened up as I don't have to worry about doing all of the training things that they make you do. Yeah, we'll have less money in the Spring. That's ok, we just might not go anywhere for Spring break and spend more time doing things that don't cost money. After all, the best things in life are free. By that of course I mean love and board games. Though come to think of it board games aren't free. But I have enough, I don't have to buy any more. We can just play them. Anyway... kind of wrote myself into a rut there... so I guess I'm done. Peace!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15963766604020752251noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404587764424780706.post-7073752757683051812013-10-16T21:24:00.000-07:002013-10-16T21:24:02.049-07:00Our weekend in the Laurel HighlandsAs mentioned in the previous post, Wifey and I spent last weekend in the Laurel Highlands. If you haven't read that post, it talks about our experience glamping and can be found <a href="http://kyletmurphy.blogspot.com/2013/10/glamping.html" target="_blank">here</a>. I wanted to just give a run-down of the things we did when we weren't chilling at the glampsite.<br />
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The Laurel Highlands is a region in southwestern Pennsylvania that is just southeast of Pittsburgh. The mountains there (part of the Allegheny Mountains) are the highest in the state. The area is very beautiful and Wifey and I both already had a love of it from previous experiences, which is why we decided to spend a weekend out there.<br />
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We left fairly early Friday morning and drove straight to the Laurel Highlands to a Frank Lloyd Wright house named Fallingwater. Fallingwater is the most famous Frank Lloyd Wright house and is probably the instant mental picture you get when you hear "Frank Lloyd Wright", even if you didn't know that's what it was called. We went on a tour of the house, which was very interesting. I'm no architecture buff (Wifey is) but it was just amazing the way that Wright designed the house around the natural environment. Wright liked the style known as "Organic Architecture", where buildings do not subdue the environment around them but rather incorporate it and exist harmoniously with it.<br />
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A building should grace its environment rather than disgrace it. <i>-Frank Lloyd Wright</i></blockquote>
It started raining while we were on our tour of the house, which was actually quite beautiful (and gave me the opportunity to make a few "falling water" jokes of course). One thing about Fallingwater was that it was designed as a weekend home, not a permanent home. It definitely gave the feel of a place where you could just get away from it all.<br />
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After leaving Fallingwater we drove to Kentuck Knob, another Frank Lloyd Wright house not too far away. We ate some PB & J in the parking lot and then rode the shuttle up to the house. Kentuck Knob was also quite interesting and very distinct from Fallingwater. Kentuck Knob was built as a permanent residence, and the couple who had it built lived there for 28 years. It is also built into the top of a hillside and not over a waterfall, so it has a very different feel to it. The house really exuded warmth and charm. I told Wifey afterwards that Fallingwater was cool, but I would actually want to live at Kentuck Knob (she of course had already expressed the same opinion to me having been to both houses previously).<br />
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After Kentuck Knob we drove to the small town of Confluence and wasted a little time in an antiques store while waiting for our check-in time for glamping. Wifey and I go to a lot of antiques places and flea markets but we very rarely buy anything. Our lack of a house is probably the main reason. After wasting some time we went to the glamping site and spent the rest of the day there.<br />
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On Saturday we started by driving to the Laurel Caverns. Let me tell you, if you're ever in the area, skip the Laurel Caverns. Totally lame. They don't have any stalactites or stalagmites! All of the rock formations are pretty much the same... just rocks. Our tour guide didn't help either, he was this old guy who wasn't very excited. He did say "gee" a lot (as in "gee folks, this section of the cavern was discovered in..."). By the time our tour was up we hightailed it out of there. The one cool thing was that they had a section of the cavern where you could close a couple of doors in passages and then they turned the lights out. Total darkness, kind of weird.<br />
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Afterwards we drove up to Ligonier where they were having Fort Ligonier Days, an annual festival. There were a LOT of people there, so we didn't enjoy it as much as we were hoping. There were some interesting vendors, so that was fun. We wandered around the festival and saw all the various vendors, then went to a toy store to see what they had. I love looking through toy stores, toys are awesome (games too of course).<br />
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After leaving Ligonier we drove home by a different way and stopped at a flea market, where we actually bought a couple of things! Wifey found a stove-top popcorn-maker and a lion costume for Domino (our dog). After the flea market we stopped at The Old General Store, which was decent. We bought some popcorn and some gourmet hot chocolate for the glampsite and headed back there. Upon getting back I built a campfire (or was it a glampfire?) and she prepared dinner of cornbread, sausage, potatoes, and onions with some popcorn afterwards. Delicious, and it's always awesome to cook right over a campfire.<br />
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Sunday morning we slept in a bit (not compared to what we usually sleep in to though) and then packed up the glampsite. On the way back we stopped at a local winery for a complimentary tasting and picked up a delicious bottle of cider. We love cider. If you haven't had real cider (it tastes kind of like apple wine), just the kind you can buy in bottles at the grocery, give it a try sometime.<br />
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We decided to maybe stop in Pittsburgh for a late lunch so we drove there by a way we don't normally go. After driving a while we decided not to go into the actual city but just to stop at Settler's Ridge, so we wound up going to Red Robin (yum!). It was our only restaurant meal of the trip! Cooking for yourself is a nice way to save some money on a weekend trip. After eating we drove back to Steubenville and went to an evening mass.<br />
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It was a fantastic weekend. We saw lots of beautiful scenery and saw some interesting things, but the best part was having a weekend with just the two of us.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15963766604020752251noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404587764424780706.post-66325924363393073912013-10-13T20:04:00.001-07:002013-10-28T22:06:15.628-07:00Glamping!This weekend wifey and I went glamping.<br />
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You've probably never heard of it (I feel like such a hipster). Glamping is the term used for "glamorous camping", which is apparently an up-and-coming thing. The idea is basically that you sleep in a tent outside but there is a bed in the tent and possibly other amenities that would normally be associated more with cabins than camping.<br />
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We went glamping at <a href="http://www.campbellfarmglamping.com/index.html" target="_blank">Campbell Farm</a> in the Laurel Highlands of Pennsylvania. Wifey and I both love the Laurel Highlands and she found the site while looking for places to stay there. This was our tent:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHEQzVCA5UKAmgSqVtd_r6SWWXJaURauEijHmdAiTcGQVAV1cH3notBEsntf-WZOcgptjJ1ztosqxkht5MAyp5taGyk4RUUW2B9rkBNL1fskmwz_Uhz_5s2dkl7TYSSfeFwdOn-4MULquJ/s1600/tent.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHEQzVCA5UKAmgSqVtd_r6SWWXJaURauEijHmdAiTcGQVAV1cH3notBEsntf-WZOcgptjJ1ztosqxkht5MAyp5taGyk4RUUW2B9rkBNL1fskmwz_Uhz_5s2dkl7TYSSfeFwdOn-4MULquJ/s1600/tent.jpg" /></a></div>
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It's a little difficult to see, but there is a main tent with a larger canopy over it. The larger canopy also goes over the porch area which includes a nice table with a couple of chairs. The bed inside is queen-sized and has a heated mattress (very nice!). There are some electric lamps, books, games, and assorted furniture as well.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7A56kAHU3etr9s6Y0S0uGNvvNp2elSw3QvZf6FWLknke45OlAPKEpOsfaXJGp0rLxJLA4LQMbRSQV0RqMc0g_AOZdSVCMSrtkl-NF77OFrGRYCbTRSVBlhgKDdGpJwuYrt8HkOKofV9i-/s1600/kitchen.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7A56kAHU3etr9s6Y0S0uGNvvNp2elSw3QvZf6FWLknke45OlAPKEpOsfaXJGp0rLxJLA4LQMbRSQV0RqMc0g_AOZdSVCMSrtkl-NF77OFrGRYCbTRSVBlhgKDdGpJwuYrt8HkOKofV9i-/s1600/kitchen.jpg" /></a></div>
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The shelter-type thingy was a few yards away from the tent and provided the kitchen and bathroom areas. The kitchen had a three-burner propane stove, sink with running hot water, ice box, and mini-fridge. There were plenty of dishes and everything to prepare food. Wifey made some great meals including one made entirely over the campfire (cornbread, potatoes, onions, sausage, popcorn, and gluten-free smores thingies).<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLjIMGNTGtAGb1QTuVbxNjBPah9Jy6gDGOyilXxwroxH09E_AM98fjzDtLO60SWZiBKbyoeR6TEa00wh5YJSe5oBig6orKZt3k3z77_JNNsy9S8PDDqNISQ6LPTJfyB41nninCLuaAQ13k/s1600/bathroom.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLjIMGNTGtAGb1QTuVbxNjBPah9Jy6gDGOyilXxwroxH09E_AM98fjzDtLO60SWZiBKbyoeR6TEa00wh5YJSe5oBig6orKZt3k3z77_JNNsy9S8PDDqNISQ6LPTJfyB41nninCLuaAQ13k/s320/bathroom.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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The bathroom area was just a sink and a bathtub. The bathtub was definitely Wifey's favorite part. She wound up taking three baths, I took two. I must say that bathing outside was definitely a great experience. There's just something about being naked out in the open, not to mention a hot bath is always amazing. Feel free not to visualize any of that. Also, don't knock it 'til you try it.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT_lt5ZT_0_nyjqQ4_AWx7G5HL7ARi2agl7wfTfcxVi1Vs17yxvJEg5RFZp-2veAJ3JO3vN9xPlwJAP31E5CNjggWNkx-1bERnE_BAgBIjuCrzTjS4rAmYa1-fi2udP8EEkCRFT3mttdI0/s1600/outhouse.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT_lt5ZT_0_nyjqQ4_AWx7G5HL7ARi2agl7wfTfcxVi1Vs17yxvJEg5RFZp-2veAJ3JO3vN9xPlwJAP31E5CNjggWNkx-1bERnE_BAgBIjuCrzTjS4rAmYa1-fi2udP8EEkCRFT3mttdI0/s1600/outhouse.jpg" /></a>The picture to the right is the outhouse, cleverly marked "Conference Room" (okaay then). The outhouse was a good distance from the rest of the site, which was nice. I must say though, I hate outhouses. I'm sure there isn't anyone (at least anyone normal) who just loves outhouses or anything, but I feel like I dislike them more than the general populace. Anyway, I would consider the outhouse to be the one negative thing to the whole experience, but I suppose it's better than just going in the woods.<br />
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That brings up the whole question as to why we went glamping in the first place. The bottom line is that Wifey likes to camp and I don't. She has all of these memories and sentimental reasons as to why she likes camping, but I just didn't camp growing up (other than the backyard). Because I don't have those memories, I just don't see the point in making yourself uncomfortable. Supposedly camping is all about experiencing the outdoors, but I will gladly experience the outdoors and then go back to the lodge and enjoy a hot shower and a toilet that flushes.<br />
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Anyway, glamping seemed like a great compromise for us. After experiencing it I would definitely go again. Very relaxing and a great way to experience the outdoors without sacrificing (too much) comfort.<br />
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(all photos taken from http://www.campbellfarmglamping.com/index.html)<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15963766604020752251noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404587764424780706.post-44898912191047838322013-10-08T22:00:00.001-07:002013-10-28T22:06:53.195-07:00A look in the mirrorI had an interesting experience about a week ago. I recently started going to the gym again. Three times a week I do strength training and twice a week I run on the treadmill. This particular day was a running day and I wound up going a little after 10 pm.<br />
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Usually I prefer to run on an indoor track, but we don't really have that here. I used to run around the fieldhouse, which was decent, but the temporary gym is located very close to my apartment so it's really convenient to just run there (they're renovating the actual gym).</div>
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The way the temporary gym is set up is that the treadmills look out the window, which is a big improvement on the storage closet they used to be in before they started renovating the fieldhouse (not an exaggeration by the way, they treadmills were actually in a room designed to be a storage closet). This particular day it was dark out by the time I started running, so instead of looking out the window I spent the whole run looking directly at my reflection in the window.</div>
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It was a very interesting experience. I've never seen myself run before, and for that matter I don't really ever see myself when I'm going about my day. Really the only time I ever look in a mirror is when I'm combing my hair or shaving, so only for about two minutes a day (electric shaver for the win). I don't even really particularly have a "mental picture" of myself, I mean I know what I look like but I don't spend time thinking about it.</div>
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One thing that was interesting was seeing myself with a beard. I've had a beard for a little over two months now, and I'd never had facial hair before in my life. No mustache (yet), just a beard. I think it works decently well for me, definitely worth trying out. I will be doing No-Shave November for the first time in my life next month, so we'll see how the mustache comes in. I may wind up deciding to shave everything off come December.</div>
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Another interesting thing was how intense I am when I run. Wifey doesn't understand how I only listen to "angry music" when I run (there are some more positive songs on my playlist, but not many). Angry music just motivates me better! This may possibly mean I'm psychotic, but at least I know myself. Anyway, my face while running ranged from 'serious' to 'totally hardcore' to the occasional 'raging'. I wonder if I scare other people in the gym.</div>
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The thing that was most interesting about the experience was realizing that I am noticeably overweight. It's not really something that I think about a lot, but my face clearly shows the extra chubbiness that I'm carrying around. My weight is currently about 205, which has pretty much been the norm for most of my adult life. The only time I really got in decent shape was right before I started dating wifey when I was thinking about joining the air force. I got down to about 178 or so at the time, but after I passed my physical my motivation started to slide. The motivation really took a nosedive when I decided not to join the military.</div>
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I have a much better reason now to get in shape. Exercising and losing weight could help us with our infertility. It's certainly not guaranteed to help us, but it's enough of a reason that I should be able to maintain my motivation a little better. Leading a more physically disciplined life will also hopefully help me become more spiritually disciplined, something I definitely need to work more on. It comes down to a matter of willpower until it becomes routine. I'm hoping to stay on track for a good long while this time, or maybe even staying physically fit for good.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15963766604020752251noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404587764424780706.post-45618086667982635412013-10-06T19:29:00.000-07:002013-10-06T19:58:48.493-07:00My top 10 TV showsSo I just wanted to do a fun post about my favorite TV shows. I've been procrastinating blogging like crazy, so this is a good way to get back into it. I'll probably do some more top 10 lists in the future on some others stuff, so stay tuned.<br />
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I really enjoy watching TV shows. What I mean by that is that I actually like sitting down and watching a season or entire series of a particular show. I'm generally opposed to just browsing channels on a regular basis because it pretty much just wastes time. Actually getting into a story is much more interesting. That being said, sometimes you just want to watch a comedy episode that stands alone without caring too much about an overarching story.<br />
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I'll first post my top 10 TV shows and a little about why I like each one. Afterwards I'll post the top 10 shows I'm interested in watching, and you can tell me if I missed anything. There are some shows that I would probably enjoy but choose not to watch due to nudity, such as Game of Thrones. There are too many quality shows without much nudity to justify spending a lot of time on shows with it.<br />
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So, my top 10 TV shows!<br />
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10. Futurama<br />
Futurama (or Simpsons in space) is the only animated show to make it on my list. I considered South Park in this spot instead, but South Park is a little hit-or-miss with the offensiveness factor. South Park as a whole is funnier, but I just can't put it in the top 10 due to a few episodes that are disgusting. When I list Futurama here I mean the original 4 seasons. After coming back from cancellation Futurama just wasn't quite as good (the Family Guy syndrome). Futurama beats out the Simpsons because it just has more freedom when it comes to story (and hence jokes). Being set in the future and focused on a group of people instead of just one family means that Futurama was able to do some crazy episodes. Favorite character: Dr. Zoidberg.<br />
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9. The West Wing<br />
I watched most of The West Wing (never finished it) while home from college in the summers, borrowing seasons from the library. Great characters and fantastic dialogue, which should be expected in an Aaron Sorkin production. I can't say I appreciated the politics of the main characters and the somewhat ham-handed way they handled conservatism, but this is a show that made me care about the characters and how they would handle the situations that arose. Favorite character: Toby Ziegler.<br />
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8. Prison Break<br />
Gotta start off with a disclaimer: the first season of Prison Break only. Second season was good, afterwards I stopped caring or bothering (did they have more than three?). But first season? Holy cow. Amazing. The tension, the layers, the characters, the unknown. Just learning more about who these people are is amazing. Favorite character: hard to say, maybe Linc? Abruzzi?<br />
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7. The IT Crowd<br />
British sitcom about the three members of an IT department at a large company. The interactions of the three characters create some truly absurd situations that have to be seen. This show is completely hilarious in every way. If you haven't seen it, you owe it to yourself. Favorite character: slight edge goes to Roy.<br />
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6. Jeeves and Wooster<br />
Another British comedy! Jeeves and Wooster stars Hugh Laurie and Stephen Fry as P.G. Wodehouse's famous idle rich man and his "personal gentleman's gentleman." Amazing characters and witty dialogue (on the part of Jeeves of course) are highlights in the many stories of Jeeves extricating Bertie from the horrors of the prospect of marriage to any one of a number of over-the-top women. This show is an example of how to adapt fiction to the screen well. Favorite character: it's Jeeves and Wooster. Each is only understood in the light of the other. Favorite minor character: Spode. No wait, Gussie. No, Madeline. Basically anybody around at Totleigh Towers.<br />
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5. Lost<br />
Lost is the show I was into the most while the show was actually being aired. I remember watching the second season at a friend's house off-campus or in the TV Lounge in Trinity Hall and shouting at the TV in amazement at various points. Lost is a show that started off just about perfectly. Season one is definitely one of the best seasons of television ever made. The show faltered in the third seasons but managed to pick it back up after then, to the point where season six is almost as good as season two (and yes, I'm one of the few people who actually likes the much-maligned ending). Favorite character: Mr. Eko.<br />
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4. Arrested Development<br />
The only American comedy on my list, I consider Arrested Development to be the funniest show ever made. The characters are amazing, the dialogue is hilarious, the recurring jokes are great, the hidden jokes are great. There are some cringe-worthy moments that some people don't appreciate, but definitely worth it in my opinion. Among the many quotable shows and movies, this is one of the most quotable (especially anything said by Gob). The recent season on Netflix after years of cancellation wasn't great, but I wasn't really expecting it to be. The original three seasons are incredible. Favorite character: Buster.<br />
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3. Band of Brothers<br />
Band of Brothers is a ten-part mini-series made by Tom Hanks following Easy Company of the 506th regiment, 101st Airborne division as they experience WWII in Europe, including Normandy, Operation Market Garden, and the siege of Bastogne. Band of Brothers is warfare at its most realistic. Not for the faint of heart, but the way you are placed in the action alongside the men is incredible. I highly recommend it if watching warfare doesn't bother you. Favorite character: Winters. Couldn't really choose anyone else.<br />
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2. Sherlock<br />
Sherlock is an interesting choice in that each episode is ninety minutes long, so basically a movie. Sherlock sets Sherlock Holmes in modern-day London and manages to pull it off very well. Holmes' eccentricities are played to the maximum, but it actually works. Only six episodes so far (in two seasons), but that's a lot of TV with the length of the episodes. Sherlock manages to be very intelligent while still fun. Favorite character: Watson.<br />
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1. Firefly<br />
Firefly is hands-down my favorite TV show. They didn't even make a full season since it got cancelled pretty early on. This is an example of a cult show that is worth the hype. The network airing it really screwed it over by not showing the pilot and starting with the second episode (which didn't include much introduction). Ratings were not there, but man is this a great show. The premise is basically a western in space (trust me, it works) where the rebellion against the evil empire people failed. The show follows a ship just barely making ends meet by taking any kind of job (even legal ones) that'll keep them in the air. The characters are amazing, the dialogue is great, and the universe is fantastic. Firefly does an excellent job of showing a future that could actually happen, not the white-washed future of Star Trek. Great humor, great action, great plot lines that sadly do not get enough time to fully develop. Watch the show, then watch Serenity (the movie made after the show was cancelled). Favorite character: hard to say, either Mal, Jayne, or Simon.<br />
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Top 10 shows I'm interested in watching: (some of these I've seen a few episodes of, but not a season or anything)<br />
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10. Parks and Recreation<br />
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9. Alias<br />
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8. Mad Men<br />
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7. Buffy the Vampire Slayer<br />
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6. Once Upon a Time<br />
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5. Twin Peaks<br />
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4. Fringe<br />
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3. Farscape<br />
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2. The Wire<br />
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1. Dollhouse<br />
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Thoughts? What did I leave off that I have to see?Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15963766604020752251noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404587764424780706.post-7140289954907667832013-10-02T20:31:00.000-07:002013-10-28T22:11:20.877-07:00Starting the job search againWell, I've been a Residence Director for about three and a half years now. It's certainly been the best job I've ever had, but I'm getting to the point where it's time to move on. I'll be graduating with my MBA in December, so I won't be taking classes anymore. Wifey and I are also a little tired of living on campus.<br />
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As well, my earnings potential is much higher than what my current position offers. Come June (when my current school year will be done) I will have six years of management experience and a master's degree in a relevant field. I know that having the ability to make more money is not a good enough reason in and of itself to leave a job, but it certainly is a consideration. I have a bunch of student loan debt, wifey and I both have medical issues, and the possibility exists of starting an expensive adoption process. Money may not be the most important thing in the world, but it sure comes in handy!<br />
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I've started some preliminary work for my job search already: touching up the ol' resumé, expanding my LinkedIn profile (still needs work), setting an appointment with Career Services here on campus, and making a few decisions as to where to look. I will begin searching in earnest in January since I'm in this job until June.<br />
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The last time I was doing a major job search was when I graduated with my undergrad. At that time I was looking to move to Pittsburgh but didn't really know what field to look in. Completely different now, we're not looking for any particular area but I have a couple of fields I'd like to be in.<br />
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When it comes to where we'd like to be, we're fairly open-ended right now. There are certain considerations like proximity to our families, proximity to our friends, areas of the country we like better than others, etc. There is also an idea of ours that it would be nice to live in Europe for a few years since we both love it so much, so at least we have it narrowed down to two continents!<br />
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As far as a field to work in, there are two main areas that I will be looking at. I am definitely interested in higher education administration, as in working for a university. The thing with that though is that I would only want to work for a Catholic university, there are too many things I don't agree with when it comes to other schools. The other issue there is that there are a lot of Catholic universities whose Catholicism can be called into question, so it's also tempting just to keep the search to those universities on the Cardinal Newman Society's <a href="http://www.cardinalnewmansociety.org/TheNewmanGuide/RecommendedColleges.aspx" target="_blank">Guide to Catholic Colleges.</a><br />
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The other field that I'm interested in is Human Resources. I am very interested in employee relations, hiring, firing, incentive management, and labor disputes. Personally I only have experience in employee relations, hiring, and firing; but the other two are very intriguing to me from studying them in classes.<br />
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They say that most jobs you get through networking. Back when I was a recent college grad that always frustrated me because I just didn't know many people in the work force. Now almost everyone that I was in undergrad with has a job somewhere, so hopefully that will make things easier. There are also quite a few people that I know from my time working as an RD who have already graduated and gotten themselves jobs, so that might work out too. In the end, I both know more people AND the people I know are older.<br />
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Things are very different than the last time I was doing this whole job search thing. More experience, more education (with better grades), better networking opportunities, and (of course) wifey. I'm excited, it will be a lot of work but I think in the end things will work out well!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15963766604020752251noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404587764424780706.post-9916298214643127192013-09-29T20:09:00.000-07:002013-10-28T22:10:48.336-07:00On poor presentations and some solutions(specifics are intentionally withheld)<br />
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I went to a presentation not too long ago on campus that was quite bad. I was sitting near the back and I was very tempted to leave by about twenty minutes in. At that point we were still in the introduction and hadn't gotten to the body of the presentation.<br />
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I decided that it would be rude to leave early and that I should set a good example (several students did choose to leave early). I stayed for the entire hour and a half presentation, which turned out to be quite the feat. I had to fight myself to stay attentive and to stay in my seat. I contented myself by deciding to blog about it later and hopefully offer some constructive ideas to avoid some of these presentation mistakes.<br />
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The introduction did in fact take longer than twenty minutes. Someone was there to introduce the presenter, and that lasted approximately fifteen seconds. The presenter then took the time to tell us all about himself, his credentials in the field of his presentation, the people he was dedicating his presentation to, and the sources of his presentation. Let me just reiterate that he had not made a point until more than twenty minutes into the presentation.<br />
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So, some constructive things: keep it short and to the point! That applies to the actual content as well, but an introduction should be very short. In fact, a lot of presentations don't even need an introduction! Going straight into the content tends to hold people's attention much better.<br />
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That brings up another point: holding people's attention is essential. You can have a fantastic presentation content-wise that will have absolutely not impact on those listening if you do not hold their attention. Length is a key aspect of this, people lose interest quickly. In fact, in a presentation to college students it is ideal to keep it to under half an hour. It's not always possible to do so, but it is something to strive for. As for this particular talk, the presentation lasted for about eighty minutes followed by five to ten minutes of Q & A.<br />
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Visuals are important in presentation. You don't always have to have visual aids, but you should have something for people to look at. You can be your own visual aid if you walk around and talk animatedly. It's fine if you are the kind of person who is nervous enough to need a podium to stand behind, but if so you should have some sort of electronic visual component. In this case the presenter had powerpoint slides of his outline projected during the talk. Powerpoint can work, but an outline is a lackluster visual aid. Putting up just key words and phrases is better. Another option is <a href="http://prezi.com/" target="_blank">prezi</a>, which is what the wifey uses when she gives a presentation. Even just a simple outline can be visually stimulating when using prezi.<br />
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The presenter did have a few videos to use as audio/visual aids, but the videos did not happen until after an hour of presentation. At that point it was a welcome addition, but there were some problems there as well. The videos were presented without the presenter telling us WHY we were watching the videos. They clearly did fit in the presentation, but more explanation was necessary as to what point was being made with the videos. Also, it would have been better to space the videos out rather than speaking for an hour and then watching some videos.<br />
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A final critique: presentations must have a point. This presentation had an interesting title that didn't make any claims or points (which is fine), so I was interested to find out what points the presenter was going to make. I left the presentation and still didn't know what points were trying to be made. It was very haphazard with bits and pieces of things but no main point. Because there was no main point there was very little for me to grab ahold of as a takeaway. When I'm running a meeting (or in one) I try to reiterate the takeaways I want my subordinates to have so that action can come from the meeting. In this case I did not retain much of anything due to a lack of things to grab onto.<br />
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It was a frustrating experience, hence the post. A few people occasionally mention to me that I should do more than complain about problems in my blogging. Point taken, but my counter-point is that problems are wonderful things. Problems show us the opportunities to do things better. If you are never shown the negative side of things you will never achieve excellence. I hope that in this post I was able to actually give you some takeaways or positive ideas as to how to present better. While I am no great presenter myself, I certainly have the critic's ability to see problems with presentation. I will endeavor in the future to point out the opportunities corresponding to the problems I blog about.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15963766604020752251noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404587764424780706.post-29101308880116383132013-09-27T22:35:00.000-07:002013-10-28T22:10:15.628-07:00New diet and my thoughts on cookingSo wifey and I have been making some changes lately in an attempt to boost our chances of conception. One of the changes is our diets, which we started today. Mine is basically the diet outlined <a href="http://www.artofmanliness.com/2013/01/18/how-to-increase-testosterone-naturally/" target="_blank">here</a> (thanks to my brother for the idea). The basic idea is to boost my testosterone, and how that plays out in my diet is the following:<br />
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Breakfast every day will be three strips of bacon and three eggs. Lunch will be a large salad with meat (some form of steak), veggies, and nuts. Dinner will vary day to day.<br />
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Sounds pretty tasty to me! Time will tell if I get sick of it. There was a time a few years ago when I was considering joining the air force that I had to lose some weight so I changed my diet. At the time I pretty much ate the same thing 6 days of the week. I ate oatmeal for breakfast, chicken with rice and veggies for lunch, and steak with rice and veggies for dinner. Fruit was also interspersed. It worked pretty well at the time, with regular exercise I lost around 25 pounds.<br />
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The current diet will give me much more flexibility, with different snacks I can have and no set dinner. I think I'll get used to it very quickly, shouldn't be a problem. Exercise is the harder thing to get into, that starts next Monday. Urgh.<br />
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I don't really cook much anymore now that I have wifey around. She is certainly a much better cook with me. Don't get me wrong, I'm a decent cook, but she is excellent. She also really enjoys making new dishes or just experimenting and seeing what happens (almost always a success).<br />
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The creative process of cooking really appeals to me. I don't consider myself to be a very creative person, I'm more of an optimizer than a creator. Still, taking raw materials and transforming them into something that they're not is very fulfilling, especially when it's something you can enjoy afterwards. And let me tell you, I'm a man who enjoys his food.<br />
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When I was growing up I did a lot of baking, but I kind of stopped doing that when I got to college. I've found that baking is not as exciting because it's so precise. Baking is a science in which precise measurements are needed in order to get chemical reactions to happen properly. Cooking is much more of an art form where experimentation and exploration can lead to delicious discoveries. In baking you always need a recipe (unless you're an amazing baker of course), in cooking you can take a dish or a concept and just start heading in that direction until you get somewhere you like. The last time I made a nice dinner for wifey I decided to make stir-fry even though I never had before. No recipe needed, just made some choices based on previous cooking knowledge and wound up with a decently good stir-fry. That's a lot more fulfilling then following a recipe and getting the result the recipe promises.<br />
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Clearly some kitchen experience is a good idea before trying to make dishes without a recipe, but I definitely recommend some experimentation in your cooking. If nothing else, at least buy a bunch of spices and find out how you like to use them. Cooking is a life skill that will serve you well throughout your life.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15963766604020752251noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404587764424780706.post-64653051326073812062013-09-24T22:07:00.001-07:002013-10-28T22:08:56.456-07:00A forced postHere I am forcing myself to start writing this post.<br />
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I feel so unmotivated today. I feel like I should be talking about procrastination or something since that's what I'm doing. It's not so much that I procrastinate the important things though. I've been doing my work and getting stuff done pretty well, despite still having a long to-do list.<br />
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I'm just not doing the less-important things that I should be doing. Blogging is a prime example. I was in Canada over the weekend without a computer, so I took a little hiatus. Then when I came back I was exhausted yesterday, and now I'm really just forcing myself to keep typing.<br />
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Another thing I should be doing is reading. One of my goals for this semester is to read three books I have not read before. I started "The Octopus" by Frank Norris in the Vancouver airport but I haven't touched it since coming home. The first chapter was very good, the descriptions were beautifully done.<br />
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I should also be doing some more cleaning around the house. A couple of my areas are falling behind and I just haven't done what I should on a timely basis. I definitely do have a problem with laziness. It's just so much easier to turn on a video game or the internet and content myself with that then to actually challenge myself to do something worthwhile.<br />
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I don't want to be too much of a downer, so I think I'll just end this post. My writing is so much better if I start before 11 PM, but tonight I started around 12:45 AM. Urgh. I need a good night's sleep and the clarity of a new day. Carpe crastinum.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15963766604020752251noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404587764424780706.post-28718652172926402902013-09-18T19:34:00.001-07:002013-10-28T22:08:37.407-07:00The segregation of informationThe advent of modern communications technology has brought an incredible availability of information to your average American. If you want to know about something, you google it. If you have a particular interest in something you can join any number of communities on the internet that support that interest. I myself am a member of <a href="http://www.boardgamegeek.com/" target="_blank">boardgamegeek.com</a>, the best resource (and community) out there for board gaming.<br />
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In addition to interests, the internet makes it easy to surround yourself with similar opinions. People generally do not like to be challenged in their opinions, so they become friends with those who hold similar beliefs. Social media is a prime example of this, in that you choose who you "follow", and therefore the information you receive.<br />
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Now, some people do choose to follow and pay attention to people and organizations that they do not agree with, but these people are in the minority. Most of us only really like to pay attention to those who agree with us. It's far more comfortable to only talk to and listen to people who agree with you. You don't have to have your opinions challenged.<br />
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Despite the people and organizations you affiliate yourself with, there always do crop up a few ideas that you disagree with. I feel that most people do not actually take the time to consider ideas that they disagree with. Far more often people simply read things just to disagree with them, like waiting for a break in a conversation so you can tell someone how wrong they are. Reading the comments section on most websites is like walking through a minefield of hatefulness.<br />
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I'm not claiming that we should all just hold hands and sing around the campfire and forget about our differences, but what we should do is actually give respect to other people's opinions and beliefs. No one person has perfect knowledge. We all have many opinions on various issues, and statistically speaking some of our opinions are uninformed. Some of my current beliefs will be simplistic or ridiculous to my future self. That's part of growing older, becoming more informed. This process does not happen on its own, it requires actual effort. You must read, you must learn, you must understand different sides to issues. To not seek out new information is to allow your mind to become stagnant.<br />
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Take some time to consider different viewpoints. Truth is outside of yourself.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15963766604020752251noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5404587764424780706.post-47042378201595556142013-09-15T19:50:00.000-07:002013-10-28T22:08:09.282-07:00InfertilityWifey and I got married in June of last year, so it's been one year and roughly three months since the big day. We kind of expected the "normal" thing that seems to happen to all of our Catholic friends: get married and then get pregnant within three months.<br />
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It didn't happen.<br />
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After about three months we started trying a little more scientifically (using NFP).<br />
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No pregnancy.<br />
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Problems started evidencing themselves with Wifey's hormones, so we started seeing a doctor, and had some blood work done. Things weren't looking quite normal, but they didn't look too bad. So we kept at it, getting more and more discouraged as the months went by. We knew the next step was to get me tested and to have more blood work done on her, but I definitely procrastinated. It's hard to admit that things might not be what they're supposed to be with your body.<br />
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The Friday before last we had me tested and she got some more blood work done. Last Monday we got the results back.<br />
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Things do not look good.<br />
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Wifey's hormones are doing very strange things. I have some problems with my sperm. We don't know exactly what is wrong yet with either of us. I have an appointment with a urologist tomorrow, and Wifey has started taking a couple of medications to hopefully regulate things better.<br />
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The thing is, it would be one thing if just one of us had fertility issues. With both of us, it seems (at least at the moment) like our chances of conceiving are very slim.<br />
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It's been a rough week to say the least. Poor Wifey has been getting sick from the medication, and both of us have been very emotionally exhausted.<br />
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It's hard to come to grips with the fact that our life might just not go the way we hoped and planned it would. For both of us, the idea of marriage carries with it the idea of raising a family together. I was all ready to have kids, get a good job, buy a house, and raise our children. Now it looks like that might not be what happens.<br />
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I know the good Catholic thing to do is to "be open to the plan God has for your life", but I always though that raising a family was the plan He had. He equipped me to be a good father. He gave me the desire for fatherhood. He brought me and the love of my life together. Why this? What did we do wrong?<br />
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I know it isn't something we did wrong. I know it with my head, but it doesn't feel that way with my heart.<br />
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I am trying to come to a better understanding of suffering, and to unite my suffering to the suffering of Christ on the cross. I haven't really suffered a lot in my life, so this is a bit of a new experience for me. I'm usually the one helping out others who are suffering.<br />
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I posted a facebook message on Monday asking for prayers. Several people have approached me since then (of course) asking me how I'm doing and if I need any help from them. I certainly appreciate people asking what they can do, but please just pray. You can ask me how I'm doing, but if I say "fine" then please just let it be. There are only a few people I would really want to talk with about this, and if you're one of them then I will talk to you about it. If I do need to just release something cathartically I may blog about it. Please don't do the "but how are you doing - <i>really?</i>" thing. I appreciate that you care about me, but this is not something I want to be reminded of all the time.<br />
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One last thing, I know just about everyone will immediately think of adoption as an option. It may very well be an option, but there is also a chance that it won't be (for various reasons I don't want to get into here). We are certainly open to adoption if that winds up working and being our best option, but that is definitely not certain.<br />
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Thanks for reading, and please pray for us.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15963766604020752251noreply@blogger.com6