Why you shouldn't listen to Country music

I greatly dislike Country music. I would generally say that Country music is objectively terrible, but that's usually just to amuse myself by getting a reaction out of people by stating an opinion as fact. I love stating opinions as facts, it's quite amusing. Anyway, let me lay out for you why I dislike Country music (in order of annoyance, with most annoying being first):

1) The vocal technique. I can't stand the Country drawl in which just about every note is "scooped". It's so freaking annoying that someone can't just actually sing the actual notes, they have to hover around the note like an annoying waiter who won't just let you eat.

2) The lyrics. The lyrics are almost always stupid. In addition to their stupidity they usually fall into one of three categories: sex, sentimentality, or how awesome the singer (or his state or his country) is. It's amazing to me that people say that Country is about good wholesome values when so many songs are about immorality. Disgusting. The sentimental songs generally are ridiculously sappy. The songs about how awesome someone (or something) is are so childish they could have been written with Mad Libs.

3) The chord progressions. The chord progressions are cookie cutter. They NEVER make you think "Ooo, that's interesting!" If you've never heard a song before they could play the first few chords and you would know what the next one is.

4) The melodies and harmonies. See number 3 above.

5) The fact that country is marketed as Americana. My favorite amusement park is Cedar Point. Cedar Point has an area called Frontier Trail which leads to Frontier Town. To set the "atmosphere" of Frontier times they play modern Country music. So sad!

Number 5 also brings up another point that speaks as to why you shouldn't listen to Country music. Folk music is the precursor to Country music, but Folk music is amazing! Back in the day, the "Old-Timey" music was Folk music. At a certain point, Folk music broke into two separate categories genres: modern Folk and Country. Modern Folk has made some interesting strides and avoids the 5 complaints above almost all of the time. In addition, Folk music is our real American heritage! 

In the end, if you like Country music but haven't given Folk a try, definitely go for it! I'd recommend the Fleet Foxes for some modern Folk or Doc Watson for some more traditional Folk. Other recommendations are welcome in the comments, either on the blog or on facebook.

*disclaimer* I have listened to plenty of Country music, especially in the Spring this year (2013) when I was preparing taxes in an office and it was playing the entire time. I am not all that open to having my mind changed, but if you feel a need to you can go for it.