What others think of me, and what I think of others thinking of me.

One of the more interesting comments when I posted on facebook that I was thinking about starting a blog was from a friend who said that I should not blog if I care what others think of me. What I took that to mean was a warning of the people whose opinions of me will be determined by what they read. I like to envision a race of crazy cave-dwelling internet people whose language has only advanced far enough that they can spew angry and racist words that don't really link together into sentences. Somehow I think envisioning them this way makes humanity seem nicer.

Here's the thing: I do care what people think. I care deeply what people think, and not just the people who I'm close to. My ego is pretty darn big; I think highly of myself and want to ensure that others think highly of me as well. But this isn't a GOOD thing. My appreciation of myself can (at times) border on idol-worship. There is a continual battle within me to give credit where it is due, which most of the time is not to me. I have also recently (in the past few years) been learning to accept responsibility for something I have not done well, or even something that is wrong but not my fault.

Do I think blogging will help with my pride issues? No, most likely not. What people think of me may change if they read my thoughts on a regular basis. Some strangers may strongly dislike me, some friends may lose their interest in maintaining our friendship, or possibly the opposite. I'm willing to see what happens.


Pride seems to me to be a misunderstanding of one's self. We see the way we are and we think that we are responsible for being what we are. To some extent this is true. The actions we take, the people we surround ourselves with, and the influences we surround ourselves with certainly account for a large portion of who we are. But there are other factors that are completely out of our control. Our parents, when we were born, where we were born, just about all of the choices during the early years of our lives, the personality God has gifted us with, and many other factors. So many things have gone into making me who I am that I cannot really take credit.

I grew up in a stable home with two parents who loved me. My parents were both very intelligent people who knew how to raise children well. Slightly later in my life my parents both became very faithful people who taught me an appreciate for God and His truth and beauty. Throughout my childhood I was fed a steady diet of as much good literature as I could handle, which was a lot! My family has never been wealthy but I was never afraid of going hungry.

All of these things have been outside of my control. All of them have definitely contributed to the person I am today. It is true that I have made many decisions in the course of my life that have also made me the person I am today. As life goes on we have more and more opportunities to make larger decisions: where to go to college, what career to pursue, who to marry. I feel like I have made excellent choices in these (and other) areas and I wouldn't change any of them. While I am proud (and rightfully so in this case) of the choices I have made, my upbringing and the opportunities given to me in my life have allowed me to make the right choices.

My ramblings on pride lead me to a (non) conclusion that the man I am today is a result of many things, most of which I don't feel I have a right to claim as my decision. The task I have then is to always keep in mind the way my life has been blessed, and that it is perfectly right to like the man I am. Liking who you are is good, but it can also lead to a tendency to puff yourself up beyond the recognition you deserve.


To tie these two sections together, what others think of me should not impact me unless they are people whose opinions I value. I've been around the internet long enough to see plenty of crazies oozing out of the woodwork, and if my blog ever gets to the popularity where that would happen (doubtful) I think I can handle it. In the end, this experiment is not so important to me that I would continue it at the risk of damaging my emotional health. Time will tell!