Masculinity and Emotions

There is a stereotype that to be masculine means to have very little (or no) emotions, to be stoic regarding the experiences you have. This stereotype is perpetrated by men who are uncomfortable with emotions (both their own and other people's) and who therefore suppress their emotions. Having taken Psychology 101 I feel qualified to diagnose this as repression, something that is widely considered to cause lasting damage to the psyche.

Repression of emotions doesn't just damage the men who do it, it also sends shockwaves through their families and damages friendships. Many men repress their emotions so much that they are not capable of showing true affection for their wives and children. Some repress all of their emotions except one and pour all of the other emotions into that one, anger. Anger is seen as a "masculine" emotion and therefore acceptable for a man to exhibit.

Consider the effect this repression has on relationships. Many men do not get married because they do not show emotions and affections to women. Many men who do get married do not show emotions and affection to their spouse to the extent that the marriage falls apart. The marriage covenant is a total gift of self, and an important part of the self is the emotions. Failing to give your total self in marriage is not truly partaking in the marriage covenant.

(Side note, I made the connection between emotions and affections above without explaining. To truly have affection for someone one must feel emotion. To have "affection" without emotions is merely to appreciate someone for the way they make us feel or the things they can do.)

When it comes to parental relationships, the lack of emotion shown by fathers has a drastic effect on their children. Girls need a father to model for them both what it means to be loved and esteemed by a man and what it means to be loved and esteemed by their heavenly Father. The stereotypical "daddy issues" stem from men not showing a proper amount of emotion and affection to their daughters. Boys need a father to model for them what it means to be a man. One important facet of manhood is that of personal responsiblity. A boy needs to see that his father loves him but still holds him accountable for his actions. Love without accountability leads to boys who never grow up, always expecting the world to give them their life on a silver platter. Accountability without love leads to resentment, rebellion, and repression of the son's own emotions.

Repressing emotions has also caused a lack of brotherhood in friendships. There is far too much loneliness in the modern world. Men's relationships with each other are often based only on common interest. True friendship between men is based on who the men are and their desire to have the other grow in the various areas of their lives. I would call that brotherhood.


In the end, emotions are a natural part of the person. Men who suppress their emotions are neglecting a part of themselves and they or their families will suffer consequences in the future. There are certainly men who are too emotional, but that is not as typical of a problem. Emotional health can only come through practicing the proper use of your emotions. Repression is extremely unhealthy.